I walked by our Thanksgiving Tree standing on the dining table and glanced at each of its leaves. On every leaf was scrawled an item or phrase of something the kids were thankful for. As I looked at the reasons they had to give thanks, I was pleased and grateful that they had found so many things to write down. “My dart board.” “Nerf guns.” “My friends.”

But the more I thought about it, verses such as these came to mind: “I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.” (Psalm 7:17) “Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever” (Psalm 107:1). Wanting to help my children understand that all the good things in their life flow from one source, I asked them, “What can we be thankful for other than stuff? Because, this time of year, everyone is thankful for their things. As believers, don’t we have something to be thankful for other than our belongings?”

“Our breath” said my youngest.

“Mercy and grace” my oldest contributed.

“God’s discipline” my youngest tossed out.

I talked to them about verses like those in the Psalms and reminded them that we are to give thanks to God, not just because he gives us good things, but because he is good himself. We ought to praise him because he is loving, merciful, and gracious. Even his discipline is an act of his love toward us because we are his children (Hebrews 12). God’s character and all of his attributes are worthy of our worship and praise.

The truth is, it’s easy to give thanks for the material things we have. It’s easy to give thanks for fun experiences, vacations, gifts, and when life goes the way we want. But we can struggle to give thanks when life is mundane and boring. Or when life is hard. Or when we think we deserve better than we’re given.

When it comes to giving thanks, it isn’t about us and whether God is doing what we want Him to do in our life. It’s about Him. He is the creator and sustainer of all things. He deserves praise, honor, and worship simply because He is holy, righteous, and good.

And when we don’t give thanks, when we hold it back because life is hard, we are in a sense robbing God of the thanks and praise that he is due. Because whether he blesses us in abundance or takes us through a dark valley of suffering, he always deserves praise and thanksgiving simply because he is God and he is good. This is why the four living creatures in John’s vision of heaven never stop saying, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.” (Revelation 4:8)

In fact, giving thanks is what we were made for. The Westminster Confession says that “the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Praise, honor, worship, thanksgiving, and gratitude is what our heart was made to do. Giving thanks to God and having a grateful heart isn’t some trendy thing to follow. It’s not just a fun Facebook activity we don’t want to miss out on. It’s not a feel good exercise to greater self-fulfillment. And it’s not something we only do during the month of November. Living a life of gratitude is simply living out what we were created to do.

The beautiful thing about doing what we were made for is that it brings us great joy. It completes us, fulfills us, and satisfies us. Knowing God and responding to his wonder and beauty with thanksgiving and praise is the very thing and only thing that fills all the empty places of the heart.

This Thanksgiving season, as we consider all the reasons we have to be thankful, may we not mistake the gift for the Giver. May we remember that all the good things God gives us are an overflow from his goodness. And may we return thanks to him, not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of our lives.

“I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.” Psalm 9:1-2

“Hello? Anybody home?” I overheard one son say these words to his brother in a voice laced with sarcasm. As I watched their interaction my heart was pierced with conviction. It was my own words and tone coming from the mouth of my nine year old son.

Before I became a mother, I always assumed motherhood would be hard. I expected challenges. I knew it would change me and stretch me. Recently, my oldest turned nine years old and as I look back, I realize just how much God has used the challenges of motherhood to transform me from the inside out.

Motherhood is Hard

In the early days and months as I adjusted to motherhood, I battled depression, sleepless nights, fears and worries, and all the uncertainties of being a new mom. As the months turned into years and as another child came along, it only seemed to get harder. I frequently turned to the dog-eared pages of my favorite resources for advice on how to care for my children. I followed the suggestions from websites and blogs I read. But the challenges of motherhood never abated. I wondered, why is everything so chaotic? Why does life seem so out of control? Why is it so hard?

To read the rest of this post, visit the ERLC where I am guest posting today.

I sit at the beach watching the boys and their friends play in the sand. The rhythmic sound of the waves crashing on the shore is soothing to my weary heart. It’s ironic how relaxing the roar of the waves is on this side of the water. Yet I know if I were to step into the waves, they would pick me up and toss me to and fro. I’d be knocked over and pushed right back up on the beach, leaving scratches and burns on my skin from the sand, rocks, and seashells.

That’s how life feels lately. The waves of life have tossed me around leaving me bruised and worn. Discouragement seems the theme of my life this year. It weight is heavy and its pull is strong as it threatens to pull me out into a riptide of sorrow and despair.

I am sharing words with my friend Gloria at Domestic Kingdom today. To read the rest of this post, click here.

In my ladies bible study one morning, I listened to a few young moms share their struggles with getting their babies to sleep. As they shared encouragement and suggestions with each other, it brought back memories of my own sleeping issues with my children. Those early years was a time of exhaustion and where sleep had literally become an idol in my heart.

Then as my kids grew, my idol of sleep was replaced by a desire for “me time.” I decided that if I just had a few minutes to myself, I would be a better, happier person. I blamed my irritability and impatience on the fact that I was with my children 24/7 and had no breaks.

I’ve had many things in my life where I thought, “If _____ then ______.” “If only I had a bigger house, then we wouldn’t feel so cluttered and closed in.” “If only my husband didn’t work so much, then I wouldn’t be so stressed with the kids.” “If only I could get ___ done, then I’d feel at peace.” If only….

The truth is, all those things, whether big or small, in that moment, that is where I put my hope. That “if only” thing was my Savior. Whether it was a solid night’s sleep, a different job, a new house, or getting more help with my children, I idolized those things and put my hope and expectation in those things to make my life better. It’s like I lived in a “grass is greener over there” mentality all the time.

Now don’t get me wrong, sleep is a good and wonderful thing. So is getting quiet time to yourself. But they can’t be our source of hope. Because the truth is, good things quickly become wrong things when they are the first thing in our heart.

The reality is, Christ does not call us to a simple, laid back, carefree life where everything goes smoothly and problem free. He calls us to carry crosses, to take joy in suffering, and to seek him first above all things. He calls to be faithful in whatever situation we are in, not waiting until everything lines up just right before we honor him in how we live. In fact, Christ calls us to live for him whether we are tired or well rested, have the perfect job or the worst job, and whether our life is stress free or filled with chaos.

Our hope in life rests not in our circumstances but in the person and work of Jesus Christ.

I know that in my mind but too often I fail to live in out in my heart. Instead of my vision being filled with Christ, I am distracted by the world, my selfish desires, and trying to live in my own strength. Too often, instead of finding my rest in what Christ has already done for me, I’m out pursuing the temporary rest the world offers. Instead of trusting in Christ, moment by moment for my strength, I seek some other outside source as the solution to my weakness. As Paul wrote in Romans 7, ”For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate…Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (15, 24-25)

By his grace, Christ never leaves us all alone in our weakness. We are never far from him. When we lift our eyes off ourselves, we’ll see him standing there with outstretched hand. And when we seek him first, trust him alone, find our hope in him alone, he gives us just what we needed all along-more of himself. Because more than making our lives comfortable, he wants to make us more like him. For me, that has meant not giving me what I long for. It has meant keeping me in places and situations I don’t want to be. It has also meant withholding some of my plans and dreams.

He does this not to be cruel but so that I would find all that I need in him. He’s teaching me to die to myself so that I would live for him. And the more of me that dies, the more contentment I find in whatever circumstances I find myself.

Paul talks about contentment in Philippians, “for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (4:11-13). He learned to be content in whatever circumstances God placed him. This is because his hope was in Christ. He knew that because he had Christ, he had all he needed. He trusted Christ to sustain him whether he had plenty or had nothing. And as he also wrote, “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:32) Since Christ was sacrificed on our behalf, doesn’t that show God’s great love for us? If he was willing to lower himself into a human body, to suffer and bear our sin and shame, won’t he also give us all that we need?

How much easier it is to trust and put our hope in some program, solution, the newest book or the latest craze than in the gospel of grace! The gospel seems so much less concrete and manageable. It’s not something I can check off my list. It’s not something I can do. Yet isn’t that the point? We can’t do. We can’t get everything right. We can’t obey. And that’s why Jesus came. Because he came, we now have hope forever. We have open access to our Heavenly Father, forever forgiveness, endless grace and mercy, and freedom from sin. We have all we need in Jesus.

And that’s the best hope of all. Don’t you think?

“It’s your fault! You make me so annoyed!” My youngest glared at me with scrunched up nose and narrowed eyes.

I reminded him that no one makes him feel angry or frustrated, those feelings come from what’s going on in his heart.

“In fact,” I said, “Your feelings come from your thoughts. If you are thinking angry thoughts, you will feel angry and it will come out in your actions toward others.”

He looked at me, doubtful.

My other son, not wanting to be left out of the conversation, said, “Cool. That means we can read your mind. When you are feeling angry, then we know what you are thinking.”

Yep, Son. That’s totally where I was going with this.

I talked about this thoughts to feelings concept with the ladies in my Bible study a couple of weeks ago. We had been talking about fear and the struggles they had with feeling panicked about life’s circumstances. I told them that in counseling, we would help a person see that their feelings come from their thoughts. They are the outward expression of what is happening inwardly, not the other way around. Scripture says something similar, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” Luke 6:45. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” Proverbs 4:23. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:5.

Then I went on to explain that underlying our thoughts are our beliefs. What we believe about God, ourselves, and life triggers our thoughts which then brings about our feelings and then finally our actions.

So here’s the question, when I am feeling fearful, worried, and in despair over my life, what is it that I am thinking? And ultimately, what is it that I believe?

And on the flip side of that, what would happen if I believed in God’s great love for me through Christ? What if it gripped my heart? What would my thoughts be like? My feelings? My actions?

Here’s what I know to be true: God the Father loves me as much as He loves the Son (John 17:23). This love is not because of anything I have done (Ephesians 2:8) and has existed before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1). Not only that, there is nothing I can do to make Him love me more or to make Him love me less (Romans 8:1). It’s His love that will never let go of me (Romans 8:38-39). And everything that He does is for my good (Romans 8:28).

How amazing is that truth? Doesn’t it just blow you away?

When I believe that I am treasured by the Creator of the universe, I will desire to know, love and obey Him more. The truth of His love will effect how I think about myself and my problems. It will overflow into my feelings and then into how I respond to others and my circumstances. Elyse Fitzpatrick says in Because He Loves Me (Paperback Edition): How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life, “it is only an appreciation of his love that can motivate genuine obedience.” She also writes, “Our problem is that if we don’t continually remind ourselves of how he has chosen, renamed, and remade us, the struggle to grow in Christian character will become nothing more than another attempt at self-improvement, and self-improvement always results in self-loathing or pride.”

We all know the power of love. It’s pull makes a parent do the impossible to save their child. It’s bond makes a sibling give a part of themselves to save their brother or sister. It’s dedication and commitment keeps a couple together through thick and thin, sickness and health.

And when it comes to the love of God, its grace makes a holy and righteous Son take on human flesh to lower himself into a world darkened by sin, evil, poverty, and shame. This Son loved God’s children so much that He would do whatever it took to take away their sin and all that kept them from being in relationship with their Father. He faced the same griefs, temptations, fears, hunger, pain, sorrow, and sickness that we face yet never sinned even once. Because of His perfect life, He could become the perfect sacrifice. At the cross, He took on all our sin and shame and accepted the punishment we deserve. He death secured for us forgiveness and access to our Father. Through faith in this Son, Jesus Christ, God sees us as holy, pure, and acceptable. Our sins are cast as far as the east is from the west; God remembers them no more. When He rose from the grave, Christ conquered death for good, ensuring that one day, we too will have resurrected bodies and enjoy eternity with our Lord.

Do you know this love? This is a life changing, no-turning back, crazy love. And it’s this love that changes us from the inside out. When we believe in this love, we are never the same.

The question is, if I met you, could I “read your mind” as my son said? Would I know that you believe in love?

I spent nearly every Sunday afternoon of my childhood at my grandparent’s house. I usually sat and read a book while my parents and grandparents debated politics, issues in the church, or argued about ongoing family conflicts. In the background, I heard the quiet sounds of clapping from the golf game playing on the television. Every so often, I’d stop reading and listen to the discussion for a few minutes and then realize my grandfather was telling a story from his childhood or the war that I’d already heard before and then return to my book. Sometimes my grandfather would pause, look at me, and then comment on how he never learned to love reading because he had to quit school in eight grade to work and help his single mother support the family.

With the anniversary of my grandfather’s death having recently passed, it makes me think about the legacy he was born into and the one he passed on. Deserted by an alcoholic father, his family carried deep wounds that always seemed raw and painful. He fought in the army during WWII and arriving one day into the Normandy invasion, he lived to recount his stories to me for years to come. Married to a tired and worn woman, my grandmother carried her own stories from a painful childhood. During the Korean War, when he learned of my grandmother’s emotional breakdown, he left the military to be at her side.

It was the stories from my grandparent’s life along with the stories from my own painful childhood that I brought with me when I went away to college. Insecure and broken, I arrived on the campus full of questions about my past, my purpose, my meaning, and my future. I wanted to understand the chaos I had left behind. Why was my family so controlled by fear, anger, and bitterness? What effect would my past have on my future? How did God fit into all of it?

I still remember the day in my undergraduate marriage counseling class when my professor introduced us to the “genogram.” The genogram is a tool used by marriage counselors to help them gain a better understanding about a couple’s familial background. It is similar to a family tree, yet it includes information about the interpersonal relationships in the family, including dysfunction and discord. Like DNA helps us see the genetic markings for inheritable diseases, the genogram reflects generational dysfunctional patterns within a family.

As soon as my professor began describing the genogram, I felt an ominous shadow fall over me. I knew immediately what my genogram would look like. A sense of foreboding enveloped me. Overwhelmed and filled with despair; I was certain my future was etched in stone. When I looked at my family history that day in college, I believed my life was doomed to remain bound by the chains of my family’s past. The mental illness with which my grandmother struggled all her life, I had seen passed on to others in my family. The dysfunctional styles of communication among family members never abated. The secrets, anger, cutting remarks, and bitterness all continued from one generation to the next.

After all, I had fled to college to escape the pains of childhood. Leaving my painful memories behind, I had hoped to start fresh with a new life. I believed that out on my own, hours away from home, my family’s legacy couldn’t find me. Yet, the further I got in my education, I feared I would never be able to leave the past behind.

But even in the midst of darkness, there’s always a glimmer of light. In fact, as John 12:46 puts it, Jesus is that light who entered the darkness of this world. His own family tree was filled with sinners, dysfunction, and discord. When I look at his genealogy, I see Jacob the conniver, Rahab the prostitute, and Manasseh an evil king. And then I realize, everyone’s genogram is marred because of sin. That is why Jesus came, to redeem us from the cycle of discord, hatred, selfishness, and abuse. He came to live a perfect life, one free of sin and shame. And because of his perfect life and sufficient death in our place, he has broken the chains of the past. Through faith in his completed work for us, we are freed to live in righteousness for him.

When I look at Jesus’ family tree, I also see how God uses even the most broken, neglected, forgotten, and rejected to accomplish his great plan. Rahab protected the spies in Jericho and was King David’s great-great grandmother. Ruth was a Midianite widow, not a Jew, and David’s great-grandmother. His mother Mary was young, poor, and from a town with a poor reputation.

And in my own family, I see how he used our brokenness in his redemptive plan. After my grandfather’s father left the family, they went to live with his grandmother. While his mother worked multiple jobs, his grandmother helped raise him and his siblings. It was she who shared her faith in God and planted seeds of hope in his heart. It was she who passed on her legacy of faith which he in turn passed on to my father.

From a grandmother to a grandson to a son to a daughter to my own children, redemption’s story has been shared throughout the generations. While my family’s past is rich with pain and filled with hurt, broken, and imperfect people, the truth is, God has always been at work. As he was in Jesus’ family tree, God has always been at work in my own family, weaving a story of grace and redemption.

Since my college days, I’ve learned that while the past has great influence on the future, it is never written in stone. While a genogram is helpful to lay out the past and see the impact it has had on a family, it is not a map for the future. It is only a history lesson and not a prophecy. God is not bound by family cycles or patterns of dysfunction.

I have also learned that God is in the business of redeeming and making all things new. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross frees us from our past and gives us hope for the future. Because of Jesus, we have been adopted into a new family, one with a perfect Father who never fails, never leaves, and always loves. We are children and heirs of the Living God. We are new creations with a holy legacy and a bright hope for the future.

Is your genogram riddled with brokenness and discord? Are you burdened with a painful family legacy? Know that Christ died to redeem your past and make a place for you in the family of God. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17