You’ve seen her before. The one who always sits in the back at church. She averts her gaze, fearful that her eyes will give away all her secrets. She never says much and quickly goes on her way. You want to help, to reach out, but you’re not sure…what if her problems are too much? What if you don’t know what to say? And what if her problems remind you too much of your own?
Source
Scripture calls us as Christians to love one another in the Body, to build one another up, encourage one another, and spur one another on in the faith. It’s hard to do those things for people we barely know. When small talk is the deepest level we’ve gone, we can’t encourage or build up another person. For some circles, it’s not acceptable to be real and honest. We keep our problems and secrets to ourselves. Perhaps we’ve been hurt or misunderstood in the past. Maybe we don’t even know how to let someone else in to see who we really are.
God has given us one another in the body of Christ to speak words of truth and hope into each other’s soul. When two people who have the Spirit residing within them share real life with one another, there is a power at work within them. When we go beneath the surface and speak life affirming words to one another, it stirs the Spirit within, awakening hope.
God will often bring someone into our lives with whom He wants us to encourage. It’s never an accident when we are put in the path of someone who is hurting. When that happens and you wonder what to do…
1. Just listen: You don’t have to know the answer to their problems. You don’t have to take away their pain. You are not there to make their life all better. Just be present. Listen without judgement. Don’t be like Job’s friends who assumed they knew why Job was suffering.
2. Look beneath and to what is happening in the heart: Seek to really know them and what is going on in their heart. Get past the superficial. Find out what God is doing in their life. Explore with them where they are in the journey. Everyone’s story takes them down different roads. What is their story? How is God drawing them closer to Himself? How is He shaping and molding them?
3. Encourage them with the truths of the Gospel: You may not be able to solve their immediate crisis, problem, or circumstance, but you can remind them of the truths that never shake or falter no matter how much the circumstances may cause them to tremble. Truth: they are a treasured possession of God (Ephesians 1:14, Isaiah 43:1), Truth: they are a dearly loved child of the Father (Ephesians 5:1), Truth: they are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), Truth: they are an heir of the Kingdom (Galatians 4:7), Truth: they are pure and holy in the sight of God (1 Corinthians 1:30), and Truth: God will continue the work He started in them (Philippians 1:6).
4. Pray with and for them: Ask to pray for them, out loud or even write a prayer down to give them. Be sincere. Too often in our Christian circles we say we will pray for someone and then fail to do so. Ask for specific things you can pray about. Pray for the power of the Gospel to be alive and at work in their life. Pray that they would remember and appropriate the truths listed above.
5. Be real yourself: It is hard for someone to be honest with us if they look at us as though we are perfect and that we have it all together. Be honest about your own battles and the way God has worked through them. Show them that you, like them, are imperfect, yet saved by grace. We are all messes. We all struggle and falter. But we have the same Savior who died to rescue us.
We need each other. We can’t do this journey all alone. God gave us community in the Body of Christ to help us run the race. Sometimes, we ourselves will stumble and need a fellow traveler to help us back up. Other times, God will call us to encourage someone else who is struggling. Let’s reach out to those who are hurting, trusting Christ to give us the wisdom and encouraging words to say. May we strive to be a community of mutual, authentic, and transparent believers who seek to do life together.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
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Wow. We are on similar paths! This post was brilliant, friend.
“And what if her problems remind you too much of your own?” ugh…so true. such a strange fear to have.
Striving to find comfort in the awkward as I continue to stretch my hand. . .
(and I’m so thankful you’re in my community!)
Oh, me too! So glad we get to stretch and grow together:)
great words here…listening is probably the most important part of walking along side someone…and so many times I can get to see my log…so when I see the speck I can come along side with more compassion. and to be honest…the older I get I see we women are really all the same…most of the roots of our problems are fear…when we are fearful we feel the need to control…when we can’t control…we get angry…and all of us on this spectrum somewhere….and struggle to some degree with each of these…well this is my simplistic view of life:) have a blessed day~
I agree with you, Ro. I guess that’s why I write so often about fear and worry. Thanks for your wise words!
You offer great advice. And each step seems so do-able. Nothing overwhelming if we look at it one at a time. Who among us can’t listen? Can’t pray for someone? Etc. Excellent post. Thanks.
Thanks, Lisa! Like so many challenging things, we just need to go forward one step at a time, leaving the end in God’s hands. Thanks for visiting!
You lead by example. Thank you, friend, for showing the way, for being the kind of friend that God calls us to be. I appreciate you.
Thank you Jennifer! You always brighten my day with your kind words:) Speaking of which, I can’t wait to read your words in print!:)
Love this on many levels.
In a time when most would rather live on the surface, I’m thankful for you and others that I can be real with. It’s hard to love the hurting and it’s so much easier to keep things surface, however if we truly reach out and truly open up ourselves, our burdens are lightened as we walk together rather in isolation.
This is a much needed post!
Thank you, sweet friend. We just can’t do it alone, can we?
These are great insights and helpful tips that we all need to keep in mind when helping the hurting. And not only can we use these when we are helping those we barely know who are going through trials, but also with our close friends who need our support all throughout this messy journey of life. Thanks so much for sharing such a practical and meaningful post, Christina.
So very true! And we can find the hurting all around us, whether close friends or merely aquaintances. Thanks for visiting! I always appreciate it:)
Christina!! This is wonderful!!
You have penned such a powerful resource here. One that I pray becomes not just something I nod at, but something I *live out*.
Great job and thank you.
Oh, thanks Kelli! You are sweet! I pray the same is true for me. Blessings!
This is such a beautiful post! I know what it’s like to be the shy one who just wants to avoid everyone else, yet I’m always afraid to reach out when I look at others and see a reflection of who I was a year ago. Thank you for this encouragement!
i wonder when “the church” convinced itself to have a “church face”? Great words!
I always have a heart for the hurting ones, I seem to sense them there in the crowd. Thanks so much for your kind comment on my post about my dad.
I love this! There have been times when I was that person, the person who didn’t feel like I was “good enough” to be there. Fortunately, we had a wonderful, accepting, loving pastor who includes and loves everyone and delivers the message that Jesus does, too.
Definitely important to remember. Reminds me of Henri Nouwen’s “The Wounded Healer”. One of the best books I’ve read, and re-read.
So often in counseling I fall back on these exact strategies. We don’t have to have the answers. So often, they just need someone to listen and be there. Thanks for linking up with WIP so faithfully!