We sat in a circle in my living room, myself and the girls in my small group. In the quiet of the evening, with the cool breeze blowing in through the open sliding glass doors, we talked about joy. We are on a journey together, on a search for joy. Desiring to dig deeper, we want to grasp hold of joy and explore its wonders. Yet the air was heavy as our life stories from the week reflected each of our struggles to even capture a glimpse of joy.

Some days, it seems like it’s just beyond our reach.

My own heart feels lost. I’ve been a nomad this year, both physically and emotionally. It seems I am always getting ready for a trip or just returning from one. I struggle to stay grounded, for my roots to cling to something solid and sure. It’s as though I am a rootless tumbleweed, blowing wherever the wind takes me.

It’s not just my clothes and toiletries that lack a permanent place of rest, my heart longs for it too.

“What is joy?” the girls and I asked each other. That evening, it seemed we had more questions than answers.

And I have my own questions. Can joy grow despite the jumbled and inconsistent mess of my life? Can it thrive and be nourished, even when I feel lost and unsure? What about when life is hard, why does joy always seem to go dormant, like the trees in winter?

As I learn and grow in grace, I’m learning that joy isn’t what I once thought it was. I used to look at it as a giddy, outgoing, highly optimistic outlook on life. And sometimes joy does look like that. But not always.

I’ve learned that joy can co-exist with other feelings and experiences like suffering and fear. Mike Mason describes joy as “letting go when we’re overwhelmed…(or) an underlying confidence or courage, (or) what seeps through the cracks when our hearts are breaking.” (in Champagne for the Soul)

When it comes to drinking glasses, I’ve always been the “half empty” type of person. So I assumed that joy wasn’t possible for me. Slowly, I’ve come to realize that I too can experience real joy, even all the time, and that “Rejoice in the Lord always” wasn’t just written for the optimistic crowd, but for me too.

And this from Mike Mason:

“Joy may seem an upbeat sort of feeling, but the direction of joy isn’t always up. Often to be joyful we must go down-down through the noise of racing thoughts, down through the swirling chaos of circumstances, down through the deceptive appearances of life, down into the still waters and green pastures at the heart’s core.”

Ultimately, joy comes from God, a gift, just like His grace. When I embraced the gospel and became a believer, joy became part of me, just like the Spirit who now lives and reigns in my heart. It’s always there, it’s just that sometimes I need a reminder to bring it back into focus. The fog of life’s challenges and circumstances clouds my view, distorting and veiling joy. But like the sun that always shines no matter the weather, the joy of the Lord never ceases.

In fact, joy is what the Trinity have experienced together from all eternity. They have always danced the dance of other-serving love where joy overflows from a never ending fountain. And the wonder of it all is that God desired to share that joy with us.

It was through His perfect life and sacrificial death that Jesus made a way for us to join in that dance. It’s in this life that we get to learn the moves and experience a taste of that perfect joy that awaits us in eternity. Until then, I live by faith, believing that joy is there even when I can’t see it. And I journey deep under the mess of my life, below the uncertainties and challenges, always seeking the joy that Christ died to give me.

Will you join me in this journey?

“my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” John 15:11

Dancing in community as I count all His gifts of grace (1966-1980):

that no matter my life’s circumstances, the joy of the Lord is always with me

that counting these gifts each week is part of the discipline of digging deeper to find the joy

that it’s okay for life to be uncertain because God is always certain

my small group who journeys with me in the search for joy

belated birthday presents

my sister-in-law and I playing around asking Siri questions:)

Hosting Thanksgiving to 20 friends and family

chocolate pecan pie and cute turkey cookies made out of Oreos and Reese’s

the guys frying turkey

getting our Christmas tree!

a friend taking over Sunday school for me because my youngest was sick

the cheesy Christmas movies on Hallmark

after Thanksgiving sales almost being done with my Christmas shopping

Linking up with these friends: