I’ve come to this mountain before. Each time I stand in its shadow, I feel the same way-afraid. It’s high, treacherous, and impossible to climb. Yet, climbing it is the only way to the other side. I freeze in fear, my feet heavy blocks of ice. I want to turn around and go back the way I came. But I can’t stay here, stuck in the in-between-between where I’ve been and where I’m called to be.

Some days, my faith doesn’t seem strong enough, large enough, or brave enough. I walk the narrow path God has laid out for me but when I get to rocky parts, where the travel is hard, I resist and try to find another way.

I read stories about giants in the faith who lived fearlessly for God. I think about the disciples Jesus chose and how they dropped their nets and followed him, even to the point of death. And I think about Jesus being willing to give up his life for me.

How do I stay on a path that will most likely lead to pain and suffering? How do I follow when I am fearful of what might happen?

Nearly every Sunday afternoon, all throughout my childhood, we visited my grandparents who lived the next town over. Summers were my favorite time, when grandpa’s watermelons were ripe and ready to eat. He’d take one out of the garden, slice it, and that first bite was sweet heaven. Pink, sugary juice dripped down my chin and onto my shirt. No melon from the grocery store has ever compared.

Most of those afternoons I spent reading a book on the couch. Across from me, my dad and grandfather sat and discussed news, politics, the economy, and especially the war. It seemed that no matter the topic, grandpa always ended up turning the conversation to discussing his days in the army during WWII.

My husband and I went to Normandy last year and stood on those very same beaches to see for ourselves this place that changed the course of the war and where so many had lost their lives. Both my grandfathers were there during the beach invasions of Northern France, one in the army and the other in the navy.

What kind of faith and courage does it take to walk into the unknown and even give up your very life?

I stood at the now peaceful shores on the English Channel and pictured my maternal grandfather out in the sea firing at the planes overhead aboard a naval vessel. I imagined my other grandfather leading his troops to join in the fight on this very shore. Standing there with our tour guide, I listened as he told story after story of the events of that day and those that followed. Sadly, I now wish I had listened more to my grandfather’s stories. I wish I could ask him all the questions that ran through my mind as we walked the same places he had walked. I long to ask how he faced his own fears and how he walked resolutely into battle. But he’s been gone a few years now, and the stories along with him.

The bravery of all those young soldiers that swam ashore amazes me. The guns hidden in the hills mowed them down, row by row. I stood by one of those guns and thought about the courage it takes to walk straight into the line of fire.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. Matthew 16:25

We toured the cliffs of Pointe du Hoc. Our tour guide described how the rangers had climbed up those steep cliffs by hand. All the while, German soldiers were throwing down grenades at them from above.

I think about my own hills I need to climb and the battles that are before me. I have so many fears that hold me back-fear of failure, of the unknown, and of the certain pain that comes during battle. What if I fall? What if I’m not strong enough? What if I don’t have what it takes to make it?

Having recently celebrated our Lord’s death and resurrection, I think about how Jesus resolutely rode into Jerusalem to shouts of praise, even while knowing what awaited Him at the end of the week. I think of Him praying in the garden, emotionally overcome by the events that were mere hours away. Despite his fear, when the soldiers arrived to arrest him, he calmly said, ”"Friend, do what you came for.” Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him”. (Matthew 26:50)

I read in Philippians where Paul says, “for to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” (1:21) He considered all his suffering a privilege and gladly faced death knowing what was laid up for him in heaven. ”Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day-and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” 2 Timothy 4:8

When I stood there on the beach, humbled by the bravery of so many young men, I thought about my faith. It seems so small when I stand trembling before the giants in my life. Like most of the Israelite spies, I run the other way, saying there’s no way I can cross into the new land. I’d rather return to Egypt, where at least I know what to expect. But I know God is calling me forward to something new. He wants me to face the battle, walk directly into what frightens me, and endure any trials that come. I’m afraid to walk into the fire, but isn’t that what Jesus did for me? Didn’t he face the enemy head on? And didn’t he endure what feared him the most-rejection from his father?

“Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.” Daniel 3:25

It was Jesus’ love for God’s children that moved him forward to the cross. He knew the joy that lay ahead, the peace and restoration that his death would bring. He knew that after death follows resurrection-of life, of hope, and of joy. The apostle Paul knew that eternity in heaven with his Savior was worth imprisonment, poverty, starvation, torture and even death. And soldiers, like my both of my grandfathers, knew that stopping the spread of an evil empire was worth the risk of death.

Even though my faith is often imperfect and seemingly small, Jesus said it only takes faith as small as a mustard seed to move mountains. God accepts imperfect faith, for even the most hesitant touch can bring instant healing. He can take my weak faith and use it to strengthen me for the battles I face. Through his grace, I can live a life of sacrifice and suffering because I know he is there in the fire with me. I can climb the seemingly insurmountable mountain I face because Jesus climbed Calvary’s hill for my sake. I can run straight into the unknown because I know the joy and crown that awaits me.

Do you have any mountains you fear to climb? Are there any battles you are facing today?

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:3-9

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