Most days I feel like I’m a referee at a wrestling match, better yet, an ultimate fighting match. It doesn’t take much for the boys to go from playing nicely together to one or both screaming and crying. Many times, my oldest will provoke the younger by saying things that he knows irritates him. My youngest will respond by damaging something his brother has created (Lego’s for example). Many times I end up separating them into separate rooms and inform them they cannot play together for a half hour.
One of the biggest battles lately has been when they are racing something together and my oldest son always wins. It has started to effect the little one’s self-concept. I’ve heard him saying things like “I’m no good at anything, I never win.” It doesn’t help when his brother rubs it in.
Over a week ago, I had a talk with Ethan, my oldest, about the impact his behavior has on his little brother. I reminded him that Ian was made in God’s image and therefore he has to treat him with kindness and respect. That’s something I am always reminding them both about. I describe it to Ethan by telling him it is as if someone took a piece of art he created and crumpled it up. It hurts God when we mistreat what he has created. Just like Ethan gets really upset when something he has drawn gets damaged. I told him that God chose him to be Ian’s big brother and that Ian will be his only brother. We talked about how verbal wounds can often hurt more deeply than physical ones. I pointed out the negative statements his brother has been saying and how much of an impact Ethan’s statements are to his brother.
We never know if anything we say reaches the heart of our children but I believe the repetition of the same biblical truths will at some point take hold. It is my hope that over time, when they are about to say or do something wrong, the biblical truth they learned will come to their minds and help them to stop. My job is to remain faithful to “teach these things diligently to your children” and to rely on the Spirit to do the rest of the work.
Since we had our talk, the boys have changed the way they play together. Instead of racing against each other, they are now on the same team and race against an imaginary team. When they win, they both win. This was not an idea I gave him, I believe it’s the Spirit’s work in his heart. I pray daily for them both that the Spirit will pierce their hearts and give them a heart that desires to obey God.
