These past few months I have been reading through the gospels, focusing on the relationship Jesus had with his disciples, especially Peter. In the women’s bible study I lead each week, we were talking about how Jesus repeatedly told the disciples he would have to die but that he would rise again. Yet they didn’t believe him. When Jesus rose from the dead, they didn’t know what to think. Some thought Jesus’ body had been stolen.

I can read those passages and think “How could they have not known? He told them what would happen.”

Yet, how often do I forget what he’s told me?

How easily do I forget the resurrection and what it means for my faith? How many times have I read “do not worry” or “be anxious for nothing” and yet I spend my days worrying over a host of things? How many times have I read God’s promises in scripture for my life, yet still try to run my life as though I am in charge?

How many times have I forgotten that the resurrection means Jesus in reigning in power?

I too often am like the disciples. I know Christ and have lived with him many years, yet it’s as though I don’t believe that he rose in power from the grave. For if I did, I would trust. I would live without fear.

This sin that weighs me down, isn’t that why he came to die? To take it from me, to bury it deep so that I can resurrect clean and new?

Because Jesus rose from the dead, he defeated sin and death. He reigns supreme and I can live without fear and rest in his power and might.

Yet He knows I can’t do it alone.

He didn’t harshly rebuke the disciples for not believing he was alive. He showed them; they touched his wounds. He showed them the truth. And he shows me his power, that he reigns and is alive-in all the graces he gives me each day. Each gift of grace is Christ showing me that I can believe and trust in him. I don’t want to only say with my mouth that I believe, I want to live out my life in full belief.

“I believe, help me in my unbelief.” Mark 9:24