Another day, another load or two of laundry. Another meal at least one person will complain about eating. Another day of telling a screaming child that their favorite shirt is in the laundry.

This parenting with grace can feel like climbing a mountain and never getting to the top. The ongoing act of pouring out grace to the often ungrateful can be overwhelming. Serving and giving without being noticed is hard for this sinner’s heart. I struggle to remain gracious, to take joy in cleaning up messes. I wear pride instead of humility.

Yet, isn’t that what Jesus taught us when he wrapped the towel around his waist? The God of Heaven, wrapped in human flesh, wiping who knows what kind of disgusting filth from the disciples feet. The one who left a throne room full of worshiping beings to come to earth, only to be despised and deserted. The one who died for the lost sheep, those who struggled to understand what his kingdom was all about.

Parenting by its very nature is about servanthood. And it’s not easy. It’s grace that I have to cling to each day. It is by grace that He teaches me humility and by grace that I can teach it to my children. It’s only by grace that I can reflect his glory to my kids, showing by example what it means to be a Christ Follower.

This week I’m finishing up the GRACE acronym with “C” and “E” in our family’s parenting philosophy.

The “C” in GRACE: Christ-like Humility

What does parenting with “Christ-like humility” mean? This part of the GRACE acronym not only includes my humility as a parent, but also teaching my children about humility and demonstrating it as a family.

Showing humility as a parent means knowing that I don’t have it all together. I don’t know everything. But I show my children that God knows all things and is the source of direction for our life when I daily seek him for direction. It includes apologizing when I fail and being honest about what I do and do not know. It’s not having an attitude of superiority over any other person (children pick up prejudices very early). Showing humility also means serving my family joyfully and not begrudgingly.

We’ve taught our children the acronym “JOY” which stands for “Jesus First, Others Second, Yourself Last.” We talk daily about the fact that Jesus taught us to put others first. We remind our children that Jesus did not put himself first when he died for us and through his grace, we are called to have the same attitude. This lesson is brought up each time there is a conflict between brothers, which is really a daily occurrence!

We demonstrate as a family a heart of service and putting others first. We’ve taught our children that we always help a friend in need. We share what we have, not expecting to get it back. We open our home to share meals with others. Not only do we help friends, but we teach our children the importance of helping those we don’t know who are suffering and are in poverty. We participate locally and globally in efforts to share what we’ve been given. It’s important that children learn from early in life that everything we have comes from God and he expects us to hold on loosely to our possessions. Sharing is such a hard concept for children to learn but it is a key ingredient in putting others first.

We did an activity as a family where we read the story in scripture where Jesus washed the disciple’s feet. The children learned how dirty people’s feet were during Jesus’ time and how it was a job given to a servant to wash the feet of guests when they entered a house. After the reading, I washed my son’s feet and then they took turns washing each other’s feet. It was a physical way to teach them humility.

The “E” in GRACE: Evaluation of our Example Daily

I think we all know the importance of setting an example to our children of what it looks like to be a Christ follower. Yet the true measuring rod of how I’m doing in setting an example reveals the truth when I begin correcting my oldest for saying something, or using a certain tone of voice, and I realize just from whom he learned it. Me.

Each day it’s important to evaluate the example we are setting for our children. Whether it’s how we respond to stress or to unkindness from someone else or how we handle our own fears and inadequacies, they quickly pick up whether what we are teaching them corresponds with our own behavior. The old adage “do as I say, not as I do” is a powerful deterrent to children from right living. Hypocrisy shouts louder than the words we speak.

How do we spend our time and resources? The priorities we establish in our own life will influence our children in how they live theirs. Does our love for Christ radiate from us? It’s hard for a child to understand what Christ has done for us if our own demeanor doesn’t reflect the joy we have in him. Are we daily in prayer and reading scripture? Are we responding to others in the same tone of voice and appropriate words we require from them? Are we living life as a true Christ Follower, or one in name only?

It is crucial that we as parents pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to us areas in which we are not setting an example. I often pray that he would caution me before I say or do something wrong and stop me from setting a poor example. One of the most difficult aspects of parenting is consistency and I always pray that I remain consistent in living out what I say to be true.

God is a God of grace and when we do stumble and say something wrong, do something that is not honoring to God, or fail to live in a way that glorifies God, we only need to ask forgiveness and he forgives. We also need to repent to our children and set an example of what to do when sin enters our heart. They need to know that being a Christian doesn’t mean we are perfect people, we are far from it. But it does mean that we acknowledge that our sin is offensive to God and we repent and turn from it. It’s because of Jesus’ work on the cross that God forgives us. He forgives us as parents for not setting an example and he forgives our children when they disobey. We also know that we can’t turn away from sin on our own. We always remind our children when they stumble into sin that the Holy Spirit will help them, they need only ask.

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The past few weeks I’ve been explaining our families GRACE acronym that describes our “Teach Me Jesus” philosophy. Today I’m posting about the letter A in GRACE-affirming the image of God in them. If you’ve missed the previous GRACE posts, click here.

I know too well the system of belief that encourages “boosting self-esteem” in children. With my background in psychology, I’ve read all the research, theories and ideas behind it. I don’t think that the problem is a lack of self-esteem but having a right esteem.

We live in a culture that devalues human life, making this concern for self-esteem a reality. A belief system that does not believe that God created the world and that humans were created in his image, cannot rightly esteem people. The Bible teaches the truth about how God views and values the people he created.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

He has stamped his image on us and calls us his own. In an age where angels are often enamoured, we forget that we are of such importance to God that he chose to redeem us, but didn’t redeem the angels who also fell.

It is in this light that I come to explain more of what the “A” in the GRACE acronym means. When we raise children to see themselves as God sees them, as deary loved and worthy of Christ dying for, then they will have a right esteem and healthy self-concept.

It’s common for parents to praise children for their efforts and skills but end it there. I believe that we all need to be affirmed that God created a special calling and purpose for our lives. When children begin to show a skill, ability or talent, we need to point them to the God who created them. We need to remind them that their skills and talents were given to them to bring God glory. As the moon reflects the light of the sun,our abilities are to shine a light that points to God and His Son Jesus.

For those who’ve been reading this blog for a long time, you know we have a son who has been labeled as “highly gifted.” While labels can be difficult for some, and maybe even offensive, I think that at least the term “gifted” is accurate. My son has been given a gift by God to have certain abilities. These abilities are to be used not for his glory but for God’s. We have the challenge of having to continually remind our son of that. While the term “gifted” is used in schools for a specific population, we all in essence have been “gifted” with abilities by God. They are all different gifts and each one is essential. As parents, we encourage these abilities and help those talents to grow and mature. Ultimately, when our children are adults, they will use those skills for the building up of God’s kingdom.

Another aspect to this understanding of the abilities God has given us is to also realize that God has also created other people with gifts and abilities. Children start very early comparing themselves to others. Maybe it’s boasting to a friend that they are the fastest runner in the school or maybe it’s thinking that all the other kids are smarter than they. It’s important that our children view not only themselves rightly but other children as well. They need to see each person they come in contact with as another image bearer who is loved and special to God.

I often use the example of an artistic creation when explaining this concept to my children. They have an emotional attachment to each and every piece of artwork they create. And if it gets damaged or thrown away, they are very upset. I point out to them that when they mistreat another person, they are damaging a work of art that God created. Just like it upsets them for their art to be damaged, so too does God when we mistreat what he has made.

So whether our children are hurt by words from someone unkind, comparing themselves unfavorably to other kids, or bragging about their particular gifts, we need to always point them to their Maker and Creator. For it is in Him they will find their source of identity, right esteem, calling and purpose.

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