The storm clouds gather in the distance. As they darken and become increasingly ominous, I tell myself that I ought to seek shelter. It’s darkening quickly and I can barely see. I stumble around, seeking some sort of place that will provide cover. I quickly realize I’m not going to get away from this storm in time.
It’s hard to hide from the gathering storm clouds in your own heart.
My story includes many of these depressive storms that come upon me quickly. They wear heavy on my heart. Sometimes the way God loves is hard and I often feel abandoned rather than His beloved child.
I do the only thing I know. I hold the Word in my hands, needing some light to shine in my darkness. Opening to the Psalms, I search there, knowing David walked a similar road. Calvin spoke truth when he said that the Psalms are “an anatomy of all the parts of the soul.”
My gaze lands on Psalm 119:25, “My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word!” Oh, how these words describe my own heart! I open my prayer journal to pen my own words of desperation to the Father:
“I come before your throne today needing some encouragement. I am weary of life and sad in heart.
God, I am confused about your intentions in my life. I fight against the urge to ask you, “Why?” Your word tells me that nothing happens outside your will. I read that all things come my way for my own good. And I know that you are catching all the tears that are falling; even now you are collecting them in a bottle.
All I can do is hang on because I’ve come to my end. I know that you often do your best work when we’ve come to the end, broken and empty. I take comfort knowing that anything I go through, you have gone through it before me. When you begged for the cup to pass you, knowing all that you would lose, you drank it anyway. I thank you for the love that did that for me. Help me now to see your love in this.”
When depression grabs hold of me, I have to grab hold of His love. I have to remember His words of love in the Scripture and cling to His promises found there.
I have asked many times for these storms to never follow me again. Yet, I know that trees don’t bear fruit without the rain that storm clouds bring. I must endure these storms for my own growth as well. I hang on knowing that He who calmed the sea of Galilee will one day calm the storms in my own heart. Until then, I pray with David, “You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth.” (Psalm 71:20)
Linking up with:
Keep grabbing onto the hem of His garment, never let go.
Thanks! So grateful He never lets go of me!
The pain, the weakness, the darkness and sadness, all points to for your need (our need) for Him. I see you trusting in what you know despite how you feel, clinging to Him despite wanting to let go, and drawing closer to Christian community even though you’re tempted to withdraw into yourself. All this shines brightly to my heart and increases my hope in His unchanging love strengthening my faith in Him. Thank you for your transparency, may many be strengthened and encouraged as you chase after this hard love and trust Him as He continues to write your story. I find this part of your story beautiful just as much as your happiest days and maybe even more so.
You are such an encouragement to me! And such a blessing!
How the Lord wants to deliver us from depression… It runs in my family but now I run from it to God — He’s my shelter… Wonderful post. Have a fabulous day!
Yes, that’s the daily struggle-running to Him rather than away. But He is gracious and never lets me get far. Thanks for stopping by!
You do the right thing when you go to the Psalms when storms are threatening! I love reading David so much because he is so very human. He cries for help in his songs, but he always ends on a note of trust.
Keep trusting! He will see you through.
David says everything that’s on my heart:) Thanks for visiting!
“When depression grabs hold of me, I have to grab hold of His love. I have to remember His words of love in the Scripture and cling to His promises found there.”
it is the hard work of “battle”, isn’t it? thanks for sharing this and know that you are not alone.
Depression wants me to feel all alone, that’s for sure. So grateful for the community He’s given me that surrounds me. Thanks for visiting!
Oh, I hope you find the brightness soon! Thank you for opening your heart and having the courage to share your private journal. Your ability to write so eloquently among the storm is encouraging for those of us who too feel sorrow and depression. You’re in my thoughts!
Thank you. You are always so encourageing. I appreciate you!
This is so good.
I have left it up on a tab in my browser all day, just thinking about it… and waiting for a free moment to comment on it.
You are SUCH a blessing to me.
Thank you for the gift of your honesty, and the way that you share what you are learning, and struggling with … and also the praises. It is so encouraging.
<3
Love you!!!
Thanks for being such a sweet friend! God uses you to encourage me in many ways:) Thanks for your kind words.
The way is so very hard sometimes. And it’s difficult to understand how these difficult times can fall on us, knowing that it had to first pass through the Lord’s hand. Praying now, as I write, that the Lord will give you peace, comfort and security.
Thank you so much! You are kind and I appreciate you visiting here:) Blessings to you!
David speaks my heart over and over in the Psalms. Running to God is the only safe place when depression mounts. Thanks for this.
Yes it is. It is with Him where I find comfort and peace. Thanks for stopping by!