God’s still working on me |

I Come Messy and Ashamed

23. January 2013 · Write a comment · Categories: God's still working on me, Parenting, Teach Me Jesus · Tags: gospel prayer, The Gospel Coalition

After a long day of seesawing emotions, rivers of tears, and volcanic tantrums, my son was exhausted. I read him a story and tucked him in bed for the night. Amidst the crowd of his favorite blankets and cuddly stuffed animals, I squeezed in on the bed next to him.

I was disappointed by our difficult day and at my own failures to help him through it. I have learned that it is often in the quiet darkness, wrapped warm in his blue and red fire truck quilt, surrounded by all his favorite items, that his heart is most tender and his soul most bare. I snuggled with him, hoping to speak to him about the challenges of the day… to read the rest of this post, visit The Gospel Coalition, my writing home today.

One Word: Seek

02. January 2013 · 18 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, One Word · Tags: One Word

Happy New Year! I am back from my time of rest and celebration of Christ’s birth. As I turn the page into a new chapter of my life, I’ve been reflective on the past year and expectant of what God has planned for me in 2013. Below are some of my hopes and goals as I continue in this journey of faith. It’s that time of year again. The time where we pack up the decorations, place the now dead tree at the side of the road, and store the rolls of red and green wrapping paper until next year.

After a couple of months spent in celebration and indulgence, we are more than ready to get back into routine. And with that resolve to get our lives in order comes the ever popular “New Year’s Resolution.”

While I have a few goals and projects I’d like to complete this year, and I definitely need to get more organized, instead of the typical New Year’s Resolutions, I like to choose a verse as my heart’s focus for the year. And this year, I’ve chosen Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Summarized in one word: Seek.

This year, I want to seek Him in newer, deeper, and richer ways. I want to seek Him in the daily tasks of life and in the boring and monotonous duties and responsibilities. I want to seek Him in the difficult challenges, the trials, and the hardships of life. I want to seek Him in the cloudy fog of dark and stormy days and in the bright sunshine of joy-filled days. I want to seek Him in prayer and His Word, in quiet meditation, and in silent contemplation.

I want to seek Him with all my heart, not for the first time, but maybe like it is for the very first time.

I’ve thought about the wise men who traveled far to worship a baby king. With only a star to guide them and a belief that they would find what they longed for, they left their homes and journeyed for thousands of miles, seeking to simply see Him. I also think of Simeon and Anna who waited their whole life to see the promised Savior. Though old and frail, they were faithful and waited for the day when they would see the One they believed would come. And then there’s David, who said in Psalm 27:4, “One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.”

I want a heart that seeks after God, no matter the distance, no matter how long, and above any other want or desire.

This year, I want to go to great lengths to seek Him. I want to seek Him above everything else, putting aside anything that distracts me or pulls me away. I want to persevere and seek Him even when it seems like He is silent. I want God to be my heart’s complete focus and only desire.

And so, dear friends, I hope you’ll join me here and walk alongside me in this journey. As always, I will share what He is doing in my own story of redemption-from the inside out. Life is messy, I’m not perfect, and it’s Christ’s grace that covers me everyday. You’ll continue to see my life as it is, transparent and real-the only way I know how. Will you seek Him with me?

What has God put on your heart this new year? I’d love to hear!

A special thanks to my friend Melanie at Only A Breath for her kindness in making my one word button!

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A Journey to Stillness

31. December 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: God's still working on me · Tags: Must Love God

My “one word” for 2012 was still, based on the verse, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) I chose this verse with the hope that my life would slow down so I could actually sit still in God’s presence. But as the saying goes, don’t pray for more patience because then you will be tested in patience. I guess the same could be said for stillness: don’t ask for a slow life because it will only get busier.

I say that because my life last year was more chaotic than ever…To read the rest of this post, visit Must Love God, my writing home today.

The Healer of Our Souls: No More Shame

13. November 2012 · 10 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, Spiritual Growth · Tags: The Healer of Our Souls

Have you ever had days where nothing goes right? Maybe days when no matter how hard you try, you get everything wrong? How about those days when you wished you had just stayed in bed?

Some days I mess up so much that I hesitate to face God. I’m covered in shame and embarrassed by my own sinfulness. And so I hide, neglect prayer, and leave my Bible on the shelf.

There are also times when shadows from the past pursue me in the present. A word, an incident, a flash of memory will bring something from the back of my mind to the forefront. The same feelings of shame and unworthiness will overtake me as though no time had passed. My actions and sins from the past will taunt me, telling me that I have not changed, and that I am still unworthy.

Does your life, whether in the past or the present ever feel too messed up for God to love you? And have you ever thought that maybe everyone else has this Christianity thing figured out and have left you behind?

This mini series, The Healer of Our Souls, is meant to draw us to the Source-God and His Word.

When shame and unworthiness haunt us, when the past holds us hostage, and when our messes in the present tell us we can’t be in God’s presence, remember that Scripture tells us otherwise. For those who believe in Christ, this is our anchor of truth:

1. When Christ died for us, He died for all our sin-past, present, and future. (Psalm 103:12, 1 Peter 2:24, 1 John 4:10, Romans 4-5,8, Colossians 2)

2. God looks at us and sees the righteousness of Christ. The perfect life He lived, has become ours. (Galatians 2:20, Romans 5:15,8,Colossians 1:21-22, Colossians 2)

3. God loves us just as much as He loves the Son. (John 17:23)

4. Nothing can separate us from Him. He will never leave us or forsake us. (Romans 8:38, Deuteronomy 31:8)

5. We have been adopted. We are permanently part of God’s family. Jesus is not ashamed to call us part of His famiy. (Hebrews 2:2-3, Romans 8:15-17)

These are the truths we need to return to time and time again. Every time we doubt, every time we feel unworthy of love, every time shame rises up in our heart, we need to remember that we are loved more than we could ever imagine or understand. It was that love that took on flesh, became sin, and died so that we could be restored as children of God.

Because the cure for shame and doubt is remembering God’s great love for us.

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Be Weak so He Can be Strong

03. October 2012 · 2 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, Spiritual Growth · Tags: Must Love God

He was only four-years-old. Already a veteran of numerous tests and procedures, the doctor finally had to recommend sinus surgery. We drove over two hours to the university hospital. The waiting room was full of patients waiting for their own surgeries. We joined them and sat down on the ragged, stained, institutional upholstered chairs. My stomach tight with fear, I stared at the grey, sterile, hospital walls. The sound of doctors and nurses speaking in medical jargon became like white noise to my ears.

I’m over at Must Love God today. I hope you’ll stop by to read the rest of this post on strength through weakness.

Because We Can’t Get Everything Right

23. September 2012 · 42 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, Gratitude Community

source

It was one of those days, the kind of day where nothing goes right. After the second tantrum in a row, I looked at my son and said, “You are going to have to calm down and get control of yourself or you’ll miss out on visiting your friends later.” It had been a busy morning and he was tired. I was tired too, especially of his emotional outbursts. He frowned, shook his head and said in a tearful voice, “Mommy, I can’t stop. I can’t get control of myself.”

My almost five-year old often has more insight than I do. As he’s reminded me before, he can’t always obey. This is a truth that took me many years to learn.

I can’t get everything right.

My pastor said recently, “You are not made holy by something you don’t do, but by something Jesus has done.” My growth as a Christian doesn’t happen because I stop a particular sin or get myself under control. Rather, it’s Jesus perfect life given to me. It’s His sacrificial death that secured for me a place at the feet of my Abba. And it’s because of Jesus that my Father looks at me and sees righteousness.

The ladies in my Bible study at my church have been discussing this in great detail. How do we grow in holiness? I used to live as though Jesus only saved me from eternal punishment, now it’s up to me to become a better person. Sometimes people view Christianity as an opportunity for a fresh start. They think that Jesus wipes the slate clean and they get to start over again. But this time, they better get it right. They try hard to be a “good Christian” and follow all the rules.

Only that’s not the gospel.

Tullian Tchividjian has said, “Christianity is not about good people getting better. If anything, it is good news for bad people coping with their failure to be good.” In reality, I’m actually more sinful than I think I am. But I’m also more loved than I could even imagine. No matter what I do, I will fail at perfection. I won’t get everything right. And that’s why Jesus came.

He knew that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be good enough. Out of His abundant grace, He took my place and was perfect for me. I’ve learned that no matter how much I sin, His grace is greater. No matter how many times I fall and fail Him, He forgives and covers it with His righteousness.

Once I finally learned that I cannot grow in holiness on my own and that I needed the power of the gospel and the Spirit’s work in and through me, I felt set free. Because trying to do it on my own was like running a race while being chained in place. Who can do that?

Living the Christian life then becomes a journey in remembrance. Just as the Israelites celebrated feasts to remember the ways God had delivered them and provided for them, each day of my life is a celebration of remembering the gospel of grace. Because I am so forgetful, I need frequent reminders. I need to begin and end my day recalling who I am because of Christ. I need to remember that it is because of Him that I have been set free. I don’t have to try harder, do better, or renew my resolve, for He has already done it for me. Each time I remember who I am, dwelling on His love for me, it overwhelms my heart with love for all He has done. What grace! What mercy! My love for Him spills over with gratitude and a desire to love and obey. This desire for Christ is what spurs me on to transform, to shed layers of sin, to walk into the refiner’s fire, to change into who He has already made me to be.

Because that’s what growth in holiness really is, becoming who we already are in Christ.

Sometimes I need my children to remind me that they can’t do it either. When my son reminded me that he was struggling and couldn’t win the battle that day, I said to him, “You’re right. You can’t. But God can. Let’s pray for His power to help you.”

Remembering today that I can’t, but God can, and He did.

Counting His endless grace #1833-1845

The gift of remembrance

Bringing our Pizza Night Family Dinner Game to the pizza restaurant and playing as a family

The amazing discussions we are having in Bible study

My son loving the Lord of the Rings books

Pursuing my passion

Going out of town by myself to visit family in DC

Quiet hotel room, quiet car, just quiet

Going to my sister’s bridal shower

Celebrating my moms birthday

Visiting my old church and hanging out with an old friend

Hiking at Great Falls park

Perfect Fall weather

Linking up with my friends at:

From Dreams to Reality

11. September 2012 · 17 comments · Categories: fear, God's still working on me

We have to walk right into fear to meet our waiting dreams on the other side.

Last year, we enjoyed an anniversary trip to Paris. Our hotel was within walking distance of the Arc de Triumph. A glowing edifice in the night sky, it honors soldiers who fought in battles for France. For me, the Arc became my own Ebenezer, a pillar of testimony to fears conquered and overcome.

This trip to Paris was a once in a lifetime opportunity. A gift from my husband’s employer, every moment of planning for it felt surreal. A dream come alive. Leaving our kids for nine days was a huge fear to face. I’d never been apart from them that long and what if something happened while we were out of the country? Entering a nation whose language we didn’t speak was another door of fear to step through. Our first moments after landing in Orly, we faced our first obstacle. Unknowingly, after going through customs, we walked right past the baggage claim for international travel, and right out the door with no return entrance. We wandered the halls, searching for someone who spoke English who could help us get back in behind closed doors to get our luggage. I was tense and anxious-how will they understand? After speaking to several people, trying to explain what happened, we were finally escorted back to the baggage claim where our two lone suitcases awaited.

Walking the historic streets, eating the fabulous food, seeing sights I never thought I’d ever see, all was possible because I walked into the door called fear and exited into a dream come true.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve developed a vertigo of sorts and have not been able to handle heights. We were in Paris on a once in a lifetime trip. I didn’t want this fear to keep me from enjoying every moment. Wanting to see the sights of Paris lit up in the night sky, I decided to conquer my fear and climb to the top of the Arc. One step at a time, I climbed up the curved staircase to the top of the Arc. Keeping my eyes on the handrail next to me, I didn’t look up or down. One step after another, breathing slowly, letting people pass by me, I finally got to the top. That feeling of accomplishment when you face a fear and over come it is like nothing else. And the reward was great-a view of Paris at night. The Eiffel Tower was in the distance, covered in twinkling lights. The streets were full of people, enjoying the city night life. And there I was, at the top, looking down on it all.

How many opportunities do I miss when fear blocks my progress? How many dreams never become realized?

My heart’s first response to a challenge is to balk in fear. I recount to myself all the reasons why I can’t achieve my dream. I point out the potential failure and how insurmountable the challenge is. Catastrophizing the potential problems, I freeze like an animal in the beam of a car’s headlights.

I have what Jesus frequently called “little faith.” I’m the one who would send everyone home because there is not enough food, forgetting that the One who made everything out of nothing was with me. I’m the one who would sink in the sea after my first step, failing to realize that the One who made the sea was before me. And I’m the one who would grieve over the loss of my dear friend and question the One who breathed life into the first man as to why he didn’t arrive sooner to save him.

Sometimes I think God gives us impossible dreams so that we would walk into our fears. His plan often takes us through the depths before we rise to embrace our dream. This was true for Joseph, David, Daniel, and many more heroes of the faith. We have to be emptied of our own strength so He can become strength for us. We often have to be chased and hunted by our fears before we trust that He is able to conquer them. We have to face our giants, confident that God is bigger still.

Always gracious and forbearing, Jesus accepts even my little faith. As He did with the disciples, He gently reminds me of the truth. I am a child of the Father, an heir of the Kingdom. Jesus died for me so that I wouldn’t have to fear. He gave me the Spirit who speaks to the Father for me when I can’t even form the words.

When we face a door called fear, we need to remember that if slavery and giants and lions are not a problem for God, than neither are any of our fears. He is there giving us strength and courage. He shuts the lion’s mouth, walks with us in the fire, calms the storm, and gives us courage to knock down our giants. As we trust Him and His love for us, we are able to walk right through our fears.

Because it is facing and embracing fear that always precedes dreams realized. And whatever lies on the other side of fear, we’ll never know if we don’t take that first step.

What dreams has God given you? Do they seem too far out of reach? When you take that step of faith and push through the fear, be sure that He will see you through to the other side.

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and Intentional.Me

Do You Know His Voice?

31. August 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: God's still working on me, Spiritual Growth · Tags: Devotions for Moms

“My sheep listen to my voice.” John 10:27

“Why haven’t you put on your shoes? It’s time to go!” I asked my son.

“Because you didn’t tell me to,” he responded.

“Yes, I did. Several times in fact. You were day dreaming and not listening to me. You need to always listen for the sound of my voice so you don’t miss out on my instructions.”

I become so frustrated at how easily distracted my children get…To read the rest of this post, visit Devotions for Moms, my writing home today.

Joy in the Mundane

26. August 2012 · 26 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, Gratitude Community

Our three-week vacation began by filling every open space in the van. Everything to be packed was laid out on the driveway, suitcases, food, Lego bins (yes, more than one), tents, coolers, computer bags, and even a fluffy green dinosaur. It looked to me as though none of it would fit. I considered what to bring back inside and leave behind. Feeling confident, my husband placed items in, one by one. Like an intricate, mind-bending puzzle, he packed everything in the car and it fit-even the pillow sized triceratops.

Driving down the highway, we chatted while the boys watched a movie. Looking out the window, I watched the miles of ranches and Florida plains pass by, a seemingly endless stretch of trees, grass, fences, and cows . Billboards advertising the adventures and dreams fulfilled ahead in Orlando stood out-of-place beside the grazing cattle.

Source

I began to wish for a better view, something interesting to look at. As the acres of pasture land past my window, I thought about life’s journey. Everyday life isn’t always interesting. Sometimes, it is monotonous, routine, and even boring. Unexpected inconveniences interrupt and add to the daily frustrations and irritations of life. We long for a break, yet all we can see for miles ahead, is an endless plain of the same thing.

Is this all there is to life? Going to work, taking care of kids, folding endless loads of laundry, chores, appointments, and running errands, can all bore the senses. Occasionally, our routine is broken by experiences that entice or excite the senses. We attend a party, enjoy a hike in nature, or take a weekend trip away. Sometimes, we can live for those moments, counting downs the days until the next event on the calendar.

They say that the journey can be just as good as the destination. On our twelve-hour drive north, I just wanted to get there. I didn’t care to see another cow, lake, or palm tree. In life, we often rush through our days to get to the next exciting thing. We count down the hours until work is over, our husband returns from his job, or the weekend arrives.

But what do we miss when we push our way through the mundane and ordinary things of life?

I wonder how many opportunities I’ve missed in my own life by not living in today. Every time I look into tomorrow, planting my mind and heart there, I am absent from the present. When I long to be other than where God has placed me, I miss the gifts of the moment. I’ve passed by countless opportunities to learn, grow, stretch, and change. And how many hugs, smiles, tickles, jokes, sights, tastes, smells, and more have I lost when dwelling on the future rather than today?

What if we seized every moment and appreciated it for what it is-a gift? Even the boring, dull, monotonous, and thankless routines of life are blessings from our Father. Each breath is grace and every day brings new mercy. Perhaps if we opened our hands to receive these gifts each day, the path to joy will unfold before our eyes. Chores become opportunities to love and serve. Interceding in sibling rivalry becomes a teaching moment. Bored children become giggly wrestling opponents and snuggling appendages over a story read aloud. Appointments and errands become an open door to blessing a stranger. Work becomes a place where we glorify God.

And life becomes a joy to live.

I looked out the window at the seemingly endless miles of ranch land, cluttered with trees, grass, and cattle, and chose to seize the moment. I pulled out my journal and began to write about what I saw…

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

“This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Counting all as joy (#1783-1794)

Our daily routines

laundry, dishes, errands, and cleaning

a family to serve

seeking joy in the mundane

comforting my kids when they are scared

homeschool ideas found on Pinterest

receiving a bouquet of flowers and gift card for a pedicure-just because

oatmeal casserole

homeschool fun: baking a cake and decorating it like the earth

mucinex D-how else could I have gotten through the week?

a weekend of rain from TS Isaac= a reason to stay indoors

Linking up with my friends at:

Peace in the Storm

21. August 2012 · 31 comments · Categories: Anxiety, God's still working on me

The sound of rain pattered on our tin roof. Soft at first, but soon the drops were falling fast, sounding like knuckles rapping on the front door. Then came the low rumbling of thunder. My almost five-year old ran over to me.

“Mom, is there going to be a tornado?”

“It’s just a thunderstorm.”

“Does thunder come with a tornado?” he asked.

“Yes, it does.”

The windows began to shake with each boom of the thunder. Rain poured down even harder.

“Mom, what would we do if there was a tornado? Would we leave?”

My son’s eyes grew wider with each boom and rattle of the glass door next to where he stood. His face was pale, eyes wide, and skin pulled back tight. He paced around the room, looked outside at the storm and then came back around to me.

“Mom, how do you know when it’s a tornado?”

I explained about emergency warning notifications on the tv and told him that if a tornado was nearby, we would be warned. I then checked the weather on the computer. “It’s just a thunderstorm. That’s all.”

He laid down in bed, we snuggled, had our story time and prayed, all to the background sounds of rain, thunder and the wind beating against the windows. I promised him I would return to snuggle with him more after helping his brother get ready for bed.

I know fear well. We’ve been the best of friends for many years. Together, we’ve experienced much of life together including new changes, transitions, challenges, plans, goals, and trials. I’ve longed to rid myself of fear but each time I’ve told it to leave, I back down and give in. Perhaps I’ve become too comfortable with fear and don’t know what I would do without it. Maybe it gives me a false sense of control over my circumstances. It may also be that it’s easier to live with fear than walk by faith into the unknown.

When I think of life’s storms, I think of Jesus calming the squall while on a boat with the disciples. Tired from a day of teaching, He had fallen asleep on the stern. A furious storm rose up and began to overtake the boat. It was such a violent storm that even the experienced fishermen on board thought they would drown. They rushed to Jesus, woke him up, and ask him why he didn’t care enough to help them.

Oh, but isn’t that me? I try to manage my own trials, insisting I know what I am doing. When the fear consumes me, I finally go to the Father and ask for help. But even then, there’s accusation in my tone. “Why are you letting this happen to me?” “Why didn’t you protect me?” “Do you not care?”

After calming the wind and the sea with a simple command, Jesus’ response to them was, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

It’s lack of faith that creates fear in the face of the storms of life. I despair and think that He has abandoned me. I doubt His love and promises. Yet, since He faced my ultimate storm at the cross so I did not have to, why would I think He would abandon me and leave me all alone to face my little storms? Despite my imperfect faith, my doubt, and my fear, He gives grace. He reminds me that there is no storm left in my life that will sink me, He’s taken care of that. His promise stands, He will never leave me, nor forsake me.

The storm raged on at our house. I heard the windows rattle so hard, I feared they would shatter. Thinking perhaps I was wrong about the storm, I checked the news again. But it remained just a typical Florida style thunderstorm. Shortly thereafter, I went in to check on my son, certain he was waiting for me, curled up under the covers, trembling with fear.

I found him sound asleep.

The next morning, I said, “Ian, did you see that the storm went away?” He shrugged and said, “Yeah.” And then he ran off to play.

I once heard the quote (by whom, unfortunately I can’t remember), “If you don’t have to fear God, you have nothing left to fear.” When our heart is so gripped by love and faith in our Savior because He took on our ultimate storm for us, there is nothing left to fear. We can face anything with confidence because we know we are completely loved. And though storm clouds linger in this life, we know that one day He will return and still all the storms forever.

“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3

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