A Back Porch Community

05. August 2012 · 32 comments · Categories: Gratitude Community, Hospitality

You’ve been there before. That place at a friend or family member’s home where everyone gathers. The spot in their house where conversation flows, where secrets are shared, and where life is lived in community.

For some, it’s a large front porch. Guests sit in the old wood rocking chairs passed down from grandma, chatting until the sun goes down-or until the iced tea runs out. They watch the street and comment on the passerby’s, perhaps waving to neighbors and inviting them up the stairs to join the conversation. Children sit on the swing hanging from the rafters, climbing off and on, over and over again.

Or maybe it’s the kitchen, where guests gather on bar stools or stand nearby while the host prepares a meal. Friends catch up on one another’s lives around a counter lined with finger foods-chips and salsa, the much-loved layered dip your friend always makes, cut up veggies, and maybe a glass of wine.

For us, it’s our back porch. We don’t have a huge house for entertaining, but with the back sliding doors opened wide, the porch becomes another room of the house. It’s there where our life has been lived in community these past ten years.

Holidays and birthdays are celebrated out there on the porch. Kids jump and splash in the pool while adults sit nearby and talk. Bible studies, small groups, and prayer meetings have been held there as well. It was at the tile topped table where a new friend turned to me and said, “I can see it in your eyes. You’ve been there too.” Life stories were shared; the joys and pains of life passed around the table like Thanksgiving’s bowl of mashed potatoes.

Children have grown up there on our porch. First, babies splashing in the pool’s sun deck, then they were toddlers pushing toys around the porch, and now they are elementary students riding scooters around the pool like it’s a race track. Where mommies once gathered for play group to talk about baby’s sleep schedule and first attempts at crawling, we now talk about the kid’s sports, schools, and hobbies.

There’s the annual Christmas party, where everyone gathers out on the porch to select a white elephant gift. We all laugh as the gifts are stolen and then stolen again. The pool glows in the darkness from the underwater lights. If it’s a S. Florida style December, the fire pit is roaring and the standing heater is lit.

Welcomes and goodbye’s, baby showers and ‘get to know new church member’ meals, have all occurred on this concrete surface. Broken arms, burnt hands, and snake bites have happened here too. Laughter, tears, stories, love, bitterness, sadness, and fear, have all been poured out over the years. With no protection overhead than a dome-shaped screen, the sun and moon have both silently witnessed all these events. The coastal breezes have captured all the shouts of laughter, carrying them far away.

Can a place or a structure facilitate life? Can a simple back porch with tables and chairs, a pool, and kids toys scattered about, gestate and give birth to friendship, love, knowledge, hope, faith, and healing? Or is it not the place, but the people gathered?

I think maybe it is both. The place provides the opportunity and is merely a host. The people provide the seeds to begin friendships which they then nurture over time. A place with an open door provides the potential, but it’s the open and willing hearts of the people where friendships form, stories are shared, and lives are changed. Community can happen anywhere as long as there are people willing to join it.

Where is that place for you?

“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:35

Source: Lisa Tarplee Photography

Counting graces in community (#1733-1748):

Our community who gathers at our place

Memories made and relationships nurtured

Ten years in our home

A week of doctor’s visits for me, getting them out of the way before homeschool starts again

Organizing school room, unpacking and going through new curriculum

His strength in my weakness

Planning a trip with the boys to San Diego this fall

Lessons learned through parenting

Ian insisting on swimming in his Star Wars underwear instead of swim shorts:) “I’m an underwear swimmer, Mom.”

Saturday morning spent sitting in the pool reading

Receiving an email from the editor of Proverbs 31 Women’s Magazine informing me that an article of mine will be published in their January 2013 magazine

Having my husband’s boss over for dinner

Simply laughing that our new dryer doesn’t work either!

My husband talking my son through an emotional event via Skype

 

 

Linking up with my friends at:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On In Around button

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Easy Hospitality

02. December 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Hospitality · Tags:

Well, we have come to the end of this month’s topic of hospitality. I wanted to finish up the series with practical ideas to make it easier to practice hospitality. For those whose gift is not hospitality, I hope you’ll find some ideas today that will help make it easier. For those who are gifted in hospitality but who find themselves getting stressed by all the details, I hope you’ll also find some of these ideas helpful. Whether you are hosting a party, friends for dinner, a small group bible study, new neighbors, moms from the neighborhood, making a meal to bring to someone, and even opening your home for overnight guests, these ideas are for you.

To read the rest of this post, visit CSAHM.

But What if I’m a Martha?

18. November 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Hospitality · Tags:

This month we’ve been exploring Biblical hospitality. What is it? How do we practice it? What if it’s not my gift? And this week: What if I’m a Martha?

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

This passage is often quoted in reference to those of us who get overly involved in our practice of hospitality. Are you a Martha? Do you enjoy hosting people in your home? Do the details ever give you great stress?

In the above passage, Martha is corrected by Jesus because she wanted to pull Mary away from Jesus. She needed help with the preparation for hosting Jesus and his disciples. Jesus told Martha that Mary had chosen the better way.

To read the rest of this post, visit CSAHM.

Reluctant Hospitality

11. November 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Hospitality

“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:9

This month we are focusing on Biblical hospitality. What is it? What does it look like? Last week’s post focused on the calling we all have as Christians to practice hospitality and how it differs from how the world may view it.

Today, I want to explore the question-what if hospitality isn’t my gift?

The Bible teaches that we are all called to be hospitable, however some people seem to be especially gifted in that area. For some, cooking a delicious meal seems to come naturally. For others, they love having people in their home. Some enjoy decorating their home, making it cozy and comfortable for guests. While for others, hospitality does not come naturally. The book of 1 Peter interestingly tells the Christians to practice hospitality without grumbling. That implies that hospitality does not come as a joy to everyone.

It’s true that hospitality is a lot of work. Most of us don’t live in huge mansions where we can host masses of people. In fact, maybe there is some embarrassment about where you live or the condition of your home. And what if you aren’t the best at cooking? Yet, the size of one’s home, their decorating skill or even their ability to cook an unburned dinner wasn’t a factor in whether a person should practice hospitality in Scripture. We are simply told to do it.

To read the rest of this post, visit CSAHM.

 

The Practice of Hospitality

04. November 2011 · 1 comment · Categories: Hospitality · Tags:

“When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.” Romans 12:13 (NLT)

What images come to mind when you hear the word ‘hospitality’? I often think of a dining table with a beautiful center piece and flickering candle light. I think of expertly prepared meals in a warm and cozy environment. When I flip through magazines or browse pinterest, I see suggestions on how to decorate homes and sumptuous recipes to make that will wow the guests.

The dictionary defines ‘hospitality’ as “the quality or disposition of receiving and treating guests and strangers in a warm, friendly, generous way.” Hotel chains are considered part of the ‘hospitality industry.’ A good hotel is known for how it treats its guests: a comfortable stay, good service, guidance on touring the area, and meeting whatever need arises. The Bible describes hospitality as a required quality for leaders in the church. The scriptures also admonish all Christians to practice hospitality, “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 12:13

So what does hospitality mean for us as Christians?

Much of what we view as hospitality in our culture involves the details and arrangements behind hospitality. Decorating, recipes, coordinating linens, ambient lighting and music can often become the focus of hospitality. Unfortunately, we often focus so much on the details that we neglect the real heart of hospitality.

To read the rest of this post, visit CSAHM.

Stealing My Joy

10. May 2011 · 6 comments · Categories: Hospitality

The Evil One tried to steal my joy this past week.

I’ve mentioned in other posts on hospitality that it doesn’t come naturally for me. I’m not an outgoing person who makes friends easily. So this act of serving by being hospitable is really an act of obedience for me. Despite the fact that it doesn’t come naturally for me, I do find great joy in having the honor to serve someone else. One challenge I have faced is that when I obey God’s call to serve, the Evil One does whatever he can to turn my heart from one of having joy in doing service to one of bitterness. I continually find that the more I engage in hospitality and acts of service, multiple problems arise in the midst of my service. It could be little things like this past weekend when I hosted small group at our house and a few people had to back out last minute. This meant that whatever food they had signed up to bring, I had to make that food (meaning running out to the grocery store a few times). The stress involved in dragging kids out to the store multiple times had an impact on my joy. How I respond to problems that arise in the midst of serving can determine whether my joy is stolen or not.

Recently, my husband and I committed to helping another family by serving them in multiple ways. We didn’t want to prevent others from serving so we invited others to help us carry it out. We didn’t get as much help as we wanted and I found feelings of bitterness creep into my heart. This response of bitterness took over the joy in my heart. The Spirit convicted me and pointed out that I was not being a faithful servant.

Once I begin to feel that bitterness or my service becomes more an act of drugery than of helping, I’m really no longer a servant. A servant doesn’t care about the cost of serving, or the sacrifice involved, or whether anyone appreciates it or not. A servant serves purely out of love for Christ. It is an act done for him alone.

“You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:42-44

The Spirit is teaching me to confront those bitter thoughts and replace them with the truth in God’s word. He has called me to serve and to serve with joy because he “loves a cheerful giver.” I am to follow Christ in the example of servanthood he demonstrated when he gave up his heavenly home for one of poverty, rejection, humiliation and death.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God,

he did not think of equality with God

as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;

he took the humble position of a slave

and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form,

he humbled himself in obedience to God

and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” Phillipians 2:3-8

Practical Hospitality

08. April 2011 · 1 comment · Categories: Hospitality

Other posts I’ve written on hospitality, while containing some practical suggestions, they were mostly focused on the biblical framework behind hospitality. This post is entirely practical.

One of the biggest things we’ve learned over the years is to prepare in advance and always be prepared. I say this because if you are always prepared, you can be hospitable on the spur of the moment whether it’s making a meal for someone the same day you’re asked or spontaneously inviting a new family over after church. So here goes:

1. We keep stocked on hand food and drinks we know most of our guests like. I never know when I might have company so I always have cans of soda on hand. (I never drink Coke but always keep it some in the fridge.) I also try to keep non-caffeinated drinks on hand as well like Sprite or Gatorade. Juice boxes for little kids are always nice to have handy if you have children visiting.

2. Having kid friendly snacks in the pantry for the same reason above is good too. Even just a bag of pretzels will do.

3. I always have paper plates, cups, napkins and plasticware in my pantry.

4. If we are having a large group gathering (like more than 8 people-a small group bible study for example) we bring out extra trash cans and place them near where people are seated. I also put extra trash bags at the bottom for easy replacement when trash is taken out. I actually have 2 or 3 extra trash cans that I store in the garage.

5. We are usually short on seating so we keep folding chairs in the garage that we bring out for company. We keep extra folding tables on our back porch. If storage space is a concern, square folding tables fitting perfectly under a bed.

6. I have the boys put important toys up high or away completely before other kids come over. These are either favorite toys or one’s they are concerned might get broken (like a Lego masterpiece). I remind them about sharing and we practice dealing with conflict over toys.

7. I also like to keep some craft supplies at the ready for when we have kids over and they are bored.

Recipes:
I have a few stand by recipes that I use all the time. One is a main dish I use for bringing a meal to a new mom or someone sick.

Cranberry Chicken
4-6 Boneless Skinless Chicken breasts
1 can whole berry cranberry sauce
1 package dry onion soup mix
1 cup Catalina or French dressing

Sprinkle soup mix on top of chicken, mix cranberry sauce and spoon over chicken, lastly pour dressing on top. Cook covered at 400 for 30min. Remove cover and cook another 15 min at 350. Serve with wild rice.

I always like to have a few things in my pantry that can be turned into a quick snack, appetizer or dessert for last-minute guests. Sometimes you can find chex mix, chips or some other snack buy one get one free at the store. Chips and salsa are also an easy item to keep on hand. Here’s a favorite:

Minty Brownies

2 boxes of your favorite brownie mix
1 bag Andes mints chocolates

Mix 1 brownie mix according to directions. Pour into prepared baking (9 x 13 or similar size) dish. Unwrap chocolates and lay them on top of brownies. Mix the second box of brownie mix and pour on top. Bake according to directions.

Happy Hosting! And lastly, always be mentally prepared for a mess!

“If you are afraid of hospitality - that you don’t have much personal strength or personal wealth - good. Then you won’t intimidate anybody. You will depend all the more on God’s grace. You will look all the more to the work of Christ and not your own work. And what a blessing people will get in your simple home or little apartment.” John Piper

Children and Hospitality

15. March 2011 · 2 comments · Categories: Hospitality, Teach Me Jesus

This post follows two other posts on hospitality. The first one, Open Doors was a challenge to us all to open our doors in hospitality. The second, Open Hearts, followed with examples from scripture on how our heart’s should be open for opportunities to extend hospitality. Today, I want to consider the importance of including and teaching children in the act of hospitality.

Two of our family ways are, “we serve one another, humbly thinking of the needs of others first” and “we are generous with what we have, sharing freely with others.” One of the best ways to incorporate a heart for loving others through hospitality is by involving children in the process. I want to teach my children to be open-handed with what they have, to be concerned about others needs, to always be looking for ways to serve. Scripture teaches over and over that Christ Followers are to be humble, meek, and willing to share whatever they have. This is hard for even adults to grasp as it is for children who are naturally selfish in many ways. But teaching our children from an early age by not only biblical instruction on serving, but also by actively including them in acts of hospitality, can help instill in them this desire to be a blessing to others.

Practically, what does this look like?

1. My kids are part of the clean up crew before we have guests. They are responsible for cleaning off their fingerprints from the sliding glass doors. They help clean bathrooms, floors, and bedrooms. It’s part of our routine so they expect it.

2. When I am making a meal for someone who is sick or had a baby, I include them. I make sure they understand who we are helping and why. They always come with me to deliver the meal so they can see firsthand who is being blessed.

3. Since sharing is so hard for kids in general, keeping our doors continually open for visitors gives them many opportunities to share with other children. We also talk a lot about sharing what we have as a family with others and include them when we are lending or giving away an item.

Sometimes it is hard for them. “Why are we having company again?” “Why do I always have to share ____?” But it’s an ongoing dialogue in which they are learning that as Christians, we are called to have open doors and open hearts. Where our hearts and our homes are open to help others in need because what we have is not for our selfish use alone. And where children play an important role in blessing others with what they have been blessed.

“Remember this—a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say, “They share freely and give generously to the poor. Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you.Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God. So two good things will result from this ministry of giving—the needs of the believers in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanks to God.As a result of your ministry, they will give glory to God. For your generosity to them and to all believers will prove that you are obedient to the Good News of Christ. And they will pray for you with deep affection because of the overflowing grace God has given to you. Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words!” 2 Cor. 9:6-15

Open Hearts

25. February 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Hospitality · Tags:

In a previous post, Open Doors, I had shared about God’s work in me as he teaches me hospitality. I’ve had some interesting discussions and comments from readers and friends about that post, revealing that hospitality is something we know we are called to do, but not sure how. I believe the act of hospitality begins with an open heart. It’s not really about the act itself but of what the act helps facilitate.

To see the rest of this post, click here to visit Christian Stay at Home Mom’s where I am guest posting today.

Open Doors

03. February 2011 · 1 comment · Categories: God's still working on me, Hospitality · Tags:

I’ve been on sabbatical the past few weeks from hosting bible studies and other events at our house. I needed time to be with the Lord; to regroup I guess. I felt that I couldn’t glorify God in my hospitality until I had time to be with him and get my mind back where it needed to be. Over the years as we’ve hosted many parties, events, dinners, etc. in our home people have commented about me having the gift of hospitality. That may or may not be true, but for me, hospitality is more of an act of obedience to God more than anything else. I came to marriage with no recipe cards, little cooking experience (does scrambled eggs count?), and great anxiety about having people in our home.

We had friends in college who demonstrated hospitality in their little house and we had appreciated it so much that we determined that we would figure the whole hospitality thing out. I got recipes wherever I could find them and tried them out. We invited people into our humble home, sitting around a donated table with folded chairs for seating. Out of obedience, I continued to invite people in but I was always filled with anxiety. Thoughts would fill my head: “We don’t have enough room, I’m not that good of a cook, I’m really bad at socializing, etc.” For many, when we think of hospitality we think of what we can see with our eyes: clean home, perfectly presented food, extravagant recipes, flickering candles, etc. I’m not sure that would fit the bible’s definition of hospitality. Over the years God has been working in my heart to teach me what it really means to open our doors and let people in.

It means to open the doors of our hearts so we can engage in sweet communion with others. It means inviting others to share the dirtiness of their lives, even if it spills over into our home, creating a mess.

It means opening our hands to share whatever we have with others. It means acknowledging that our home is not our own and nor anything in it. When someone is in need, we open our hands to them.

At times, I’ve been more of a Martha than a Mary in my hospitality. Worrying about the details instead of the purpose of the gathering. Not that good food and a clean home are bad, but my heart should be focused on the fellowship, the sharing, the learning, the giving that is to occur during whatever event is happening in our home. That’s part of what I mean about obedience. I believe we are called to this messy thing called hospitality and messiness is hard for me. I like organization, cleanliness, peace. But as I obey God in this calling, I am changed.

It’s not just a home that is shared in hospitality. The heart of hospitality opens doors to many opportunities to minister to others in their need. A friend had totaled the family car, leaving a two-seater truck and four people. With open hands we traded our car for the truck until they had the means to get a new one. Men without work, trying to make ends meet. We invite them to earn a good wage at our home-cutting down trees, painting, anything so that they can make money without losing their pride. Friends unable to pay bills-we give what God has blessed us with. Visiting friends in the hospital, a tiny cramped room. What can we get to make it more comfortable? Friends who need a listening ear, stop on by. New people visiting church, come on over so you can feel welcome and enjoy fellowship.

Open hands and open hearts.

Is is reciprocated? Not usually. Do we get thanks in return? Sometimes. But if it was reciprocated then it wouldn’t be true hospitality on our part. “It is more blessed to give than receive.” I’d rather give anonymously than receive a thanks in return because it is God who deserves the thanks. It is God who has blessed in abundance and who uses us to pass that on to others.

Do you wish to open your home more often? Do you think you don’t have the natural talent for making a dinner for everyone to enjoy? Do you think that you just need to wait until you have purchased that sectional you’ve been eyeing before having people over?

1. Don’t worry about cleanliness to the point that it distracts you from what you are called to do. My mantra in my head is “Am I cleaning this for their comfort or so that I will feel better about my home?” (I recommend always cleaning bathrooms:)

2. A home that invites people to share their lives is not one that is perfectly dressed. It’s the warmth in the hearts of the hosts that create the warmth and coziness in the home.

3. God has given good gifts to everyone. Sometimes they are big gifts and sometimes not so big. Whatever blessing you receive is also a blessing that is meant to share with others.

4. Look for ways and opportunities to open your heart and your hands. Opportunities are everywhere, God plants them right in front of you all the time.

5. Don’t know what food to make? Ask for recipes or order something pre-made.

No matter how God calls you to show hospitality, remember that it is about obedience and openness.