Recently, I had the kids imagine what it would be like if there was no one in charge. What if there were no rules and everyone could do whatever they wanted? As we talked about what it would be like for cars to drive on the road without any traffic lights and for people to steal whatever they wanted, my kids quickly saw how out of control and dangerous it would be to have no rules.

Every family needs rules to function and maintain order. In our morning devotions that past couple of weeks, I’ve been reviewing with my boys our family rules. More than just reminding them of what is expected of them, I’ve been going through each rule and helping them understand why we have it. We’ve read the Scriptures behind each rule, discussed practical application, and practiced living out the rules.

If you don’t have stated rules in your house, you are welcome to print out ours. To print out a copy for yourself, click here. I like for rules to be listed in the positive. Rather than a list of things not to do, our rules focus on what they are to do.

As fallen sinners, we are unable to keep rules in our own strength. Each time my children fail to keep a rule, I remind them that Jesus died for them because they can’t perfectly obey. I also remind them that they need the Spirit’s power to help them obey. We then pray for God to work in their heart and enable them to love and obey Him.

Below I’ve provided activities, Bible passages, and discussion questions that I use with my children when talking with them about our family’s rules:

1. With our whole heart, we love, honor, trust, obey and serve our Lord Jesus Christ.

This rule is modeled after the first commandment. It is the first of our rules because it is the most important. Out of this rule flow all the others; when we obey this rule, the other rules naturally follow. As our Lord said, the greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God with all our heart.

Passages to read: Exodus 20:3-11, Luke 10:27 and John 14:15

Discussion: Discuss what it means to love God with your whole heart. What do we often fill our hearts with instead of God? Discuss what it means to show honor to someone, like a king for example. What does it mean for someone to commit treason against their country? Explain how loving anything other than God is like an act of treason to our Creator.

Activity suggestion: Consider doing an activity we call the “God shaped hole.” Draw an outline of a body. Draw a circle, or hole, In the area where the person’s heart would be. Cut pictures and words out of magazines of things we fill our hearts with rather than God and glue them on the hole. Discuss the concept of the God shaped hole. Another activity would be to paint and decorate a small wooden treasure box and talk about Jesus being our heart’s true treasure. Another activity that can be done as a whole family is to create a collage of words and images showing all the ways God blesses us.

2. We listen, respect and obey our parents and those God has placed in authority over us.

Passages to read and discuss include: Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1, Colossians 3:20 and Proverbs 4:10-13.

Discussion: Pretend you live in a world where there are no rules or people in charge. What would happen? Why has God placed your parents over you? Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give you an obedient heart.

Activity suggestion: Write a thankyou note to parents or other authority figures, thanking them for all they do for you.Talk with someone who is or has been in the military. Ask them about the rules they have to follow, the chain of command in the military, and the consequences they have for violating rules.

Consider reading the book “I’ll Love You Anyway and Always” by Bryan Chapell.

3. We only use words that build one another up.

Read and memorize: 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Proverbs 15:1 and Ephesians 4:29.

Discussion: How does it feel when someone speaks unkindly to you? Take turns telling each other three things you love about each other.

Activity suggestions: Consider doing a word picture activity that helps your children see what it looks like to “tear someone down.” For example: have your child build a tower out of legos or other blocks and then you or someone else knock it down. Talk about how they feel about it being knocked down. Point out that when they say something unkind to someone else, they are tearing that person down.

Another helpful word picture: have your child squirt out an entire tube of toothpaste into the bathroom sink. Then ask them to put all the toothpaste back inside the tube. When they say, “That’s not possible!” point out that when they say mean things to someone else, they can’t take it back.

4. We treat and respond to each other with kindness and respect.

This rule includes our attitude, our tone of voice as well as hitting, kicking, etc. Read 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 4:32 and 1 Thessalonians 5:15.

Discuss: What are some practical things you can do to show kindness to each other? Have your children practice responding in kindness when someone does something they don’t like. Teach them how to use words to express their feelings and have them practice regularly. Discuss how Jesus responded to those who hurt him. Talk about how He gave up His life for those who hated Him.

For preschool age and early kindergarten children, consider reading the book “The Golden Rule” by Dandi Daley Mackall.

5. We put others first, looking for ways to help and serve.

Read and discuss passages such as Mark 9:35, Philippians 2:3-11 and Galatians 5:13-14.

Activity Suggestions: If you don’t already have one, make a chore list so that everyone can contribute to helping out around the house. Consider reading the story of Jesus washing the disciple’s feet and take turns washing one another’s feet. Discuss why was it so significant that Jesus would do that. Talk about humility and what it looks like when someone is humble.

6. We tell the truth at all times.

Read Proverbs 12:22, John 8:44 and Proverbs 12:19.

Discuss the first lie in the garden, the one Satan told and Adam and Eve believed. What happened? How do lies destroy relationships? What if you had a friend who always lied—how difficult would it be to trust him/her?

7. We take care of our belongings and the things God has given us.

Read James 1:17, Haggai 2:8, 1 Chronicles 29:10-14.

Discussion: Talk with your children about how blessed they really are, especially compared to other countries around the world. Discuss how they would feel if they gave someone a gift and that person wasn’t careful with it or didn’t take good care of it, how would they feel?

Activity suggestion: Consider having your children go through their toys and clothing and donate what they don’t use or need to those less fortunate. Have them write a thank you note to God for all the things they are grateful for that He has provided for them. For younger ones, have them draw what they are thankful for instead.

8. We are content with what we have and have a heart of gratitude rather than a grumbling, complaining heart.

Read: 1 Timothy 6:6,8 and Hebrews 13:5.

Activity suggestion: Read to your children about the Israelites wandering in the desert. Have them set up tents and pretend to live in the wilderness.Talk about the Israelites discontentment and the way they complained and grumbled for the way God provided for them. When God isn’t first place in our heart, we become discontent. Consider baking a loaf of bread together and discuss what it means for Jesus to be “the bread of life.” What does it look like for Jesus to be our everything?

I’d love to hear about your family’s rules. How have you taught them to your children?

Linking up with CSAHM

My son loves maps. My in-laws are world travelers and I think he has inherited all their travel guides and maps. When my husband and I were in Paris last year, our train map became our most essential tool in getting around the city. Each time we wanted to visit a museum, we consulted the train map to see which route to take from our hotel.

We all know how important a map is in helping us get to our destination. Nowadays, the GPS is used more than an actual paper map. We simply type in the address of where we want to go and the GPS provides us detailed directions for getting there.

When it comes to parenting, I know I could use a map to tell me where to go. Like all Christian parents, I have the general goal of raising my children to know and love the Lord. And like other parents, I would like my children to work hard at all they do and grow to become productive citizens. Yet it’s one thing to have a general goal for the future and it’s another thing to intentionally take the steps to get there.

So where do you want to go as a parent?

While Scripture doesn’t give us the detailed and specific steps to take in our everyday parenting, it does point us in the direction we need to go. Deuteronomy 6 tells us that parents are to teach and train their children to know and love God. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:5-7 Over and over, throughout the Bible, God instructs His people to teach and remind their children about all that God has done.

I believe it is helpful to have a framework, or philosophy of parenting out of which flows all the practical, day-to-day aspects of raising children. More than just a nebulous goal, a parenting philosophy is founded on Scripture and guides the family on the path God has placed them.

Like a company’s mission statement, having a parenting philosophy gives us a filter through which to make the day-to-day parenting decisions. When a challenge faces us, we can sift our potential responses through our philosophy to determine if our decisions will keep us on the path we are headed.

To develop your own parenting philosophy:

Begin with Scripture to instruct you in what God desires from your family and your children. Where do you believe God wants to direct you as a family? What is your calling as a family? What do you most want to instill in your children? How do you want your family to reflect love to each other and to those outside your family? What defines your family?

Sometimes it helps to put your philosophy into an acronym or a list of statements. Or perhaps it is a list of Bible passages that summarize your philosophy. Whatever form it takes, refer back to it often to remind yourself of where you are headed. Use it when making decisions in how to respond to your children and in the plans you make for them.

An example:

For our family, we believe parenting should be focused on grace. The foundation of the gospel is grace and our parenting should be as well. We are the first and primary example of God’s love to our kids. When we live out the grace of the gospel, they see Christ in us. Below is an acronym to describe our philosophy.

G Gospel centered

R Reaching the heart

A Affirming God’s image

C Christ like humility

E Evaluating our example

Gospel Centered: What does gospel centered parenting look like? It means continually pointing our kids to the cross and what Christ did for them. It means reminding ourselves as parents of the grace given to us. It means we as parents in turn extend grace to our children when they fall, reminding them of Christ’s death for their sin, and the empowering work of the Holy Spirit to change them. It means preaching the gospel to ourselves and to our children every day.

Reaching the heart: Parenting isn’t so much about responding or reacting to behavior or molding a child to fit societal norms. It’s about reaching beyond mere behavior and to the heart of the child. Scripture says that it’s not mere outward conformity that God is seeking, it’s a broken and contrite heart. You can have a child who is behaves perfectly on the outside, yet their heart is far from God. “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51: 16,17

Affirming God’s image in them: While the world may praise their kids to build their self-esteem, we want our kids to view themselves the way God views them: as precious eternal souls made in his image. Our children were made to glorify and enjoy God. I want to always point them to their Maker and the fact that the gifts, skills, and talents they have come from him and are for him. Each person has a calling in their life that they are to use for his glory and our role as parents is to encourage and nurture those gifts and help them find a way to use their skills for God.

Christ like humility: Christ led his disciples through service. He taught servanthood and led by example. Parenting requires significant sacrifice and is primarily about servanthood. We not only need to teach our children about humility and putting others before themselves, but we also need to set an example of service in our home and in our community.

Evaluating our example: We also want to evaluate our interactions with our children each day. Are we showing them Jesus through how we respond to them, how we handle our own sin, how we handle trials and disappointments, how we handle conflicts with others, etc.? Many times we will fail. We then fall on our knees and ask the Lord for forgiveness and strength to try again. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that we are able to persevere in our job as parents.

Does your family have a specific philosophy of parenting? What does it look like? If not, what would you want your philosophy to look like?

Linking up with:

You know you’ve had a bad day when your child prays that God would give you patience. Have you been there?

My days are spent rushing from one thing to the next and trying to get my kids to keep up with me. I am irritable and short. I get frustrated by whatever slows me down. And as my son pointed out, I get impatient.

To read the rest of this post, visit Leaving A Legacy where I am guest posting today.

I am honored to welcome my friend Nikki from Simply Striving today. Her words are always an encouragement to my heart. I know you will be blessed by her today as well.

The lower, even tone of my voice makes him aware. His bottom lip quivers as he blinks the hurt of regret away. And it takes all I have to persist through the pain my own heart feels. This tough love stuff is hard.

The questions start pouring in now as I have learned to expect. His 4 year-old curiosity astounds me as he nearly manages to leave me without words. Every. Single. Time. The striking blow this day:

“So, Mom, are you disciplining me or teaching me discipline?”

I look deep into those bright blues, trying to see where these questions come from.

“I’m not sure there’s a difference, bud.” I reply softly.

“Sure there is, mom. One of them makes me cry.”

Friends, there’s so much more I want to tell him. Oh if only he could see where this road of discipline leads. If only I could figure out a way to show him what a little discipline can do…how far obedience can bring you.

Don’t worry. I heard myself. My mind floods with suggestions:

• I could eat right. Unselfishly.
• I could discipline myself to stick to an exercising schedule.
• I could take care of the things He has blessed me with. With joy.
• I could not complain about anything but in everything give thanks.
• I could become less. So He could fill more.
• I could accept the consequences of my own actions and appreciate the discipline He brings. Even when it hurts.

Later that night when the moon flooded the house with silence, I read this:

“Discipline is the other side of discipleship. The practice of a spiritual discipline makes us more sensitive to the small, gentle voice of God.” ~ Henri Nouwen, Making All Things New

I read it repeatedly until it sunk in to the place He intended for it to linger. This makes me want to throw my list of disciplines away and focus on only one:

Spiritual discipline.

Because if there is anything. One thing I want to teach my boy it’s to hear the small, gentle voice of God.

The new dawn rose and so did I for I don’t like to be rushed with my morning prayer time. A while later, my boy skips down the hall to join me in my quiet place — a routine I’ve grown to expect. Only this morning, I didn’t rush into the next thing on the to-do list.

“Do you know what I was doing just now, bud?”

“Um, waiting for me?”

My smile cracks open as I see the satisfaction on his face. “Well, while I was waiting for you, I was talking to God. I like Him to be the first person I talk to each day. We talk about what today has in store, what I’ve thought about lately, we talk about you…” I let myself trail intentionally for I see his wheels spinning.

“Mom, what does He say about me?”

Oh yes. This is certainly the best discipline I can teach him. And what a gift my Redeemer brings me this day as I get to share how much God loves my boy. How much He has planned for him. How proud He is to call him child.

We decide right then and there to add prayer time as the first thing he does each day, too. And who knows. Maybe those other disciplines will reveal themselves naturally if I continue to focus on this one, most important thing. Because I’ve learned to expect: The closer we are to Him, the more everything else falls into place.

How about you, friend? How do you show your children the art of spiritual discipline? I’d love to hear.

Thanks for sharing your time with me.

Simply striving,

Nikki

Nikki is a loved wife, blessed mom, mere child saved by grace who strives daily to live like she deserves it.
She journals her thoughts on a blog titled Simplystriving. There you will find her journey of seeking joy in the everyday while simply striving to become all that God has made her to be. Because we’re all striving, stretching, sometimes struggling. Why not encourage each other along the way?

You can also find her on Facebook or keep apprised of her daily comings and goings via Twitter.

Last year, I was convicted about the content of my prayers for my children. I realized I had been praying more for their health and behavior than the important matters of the heart. I prayed that they would sleep longer, fight less, and obey me more. While it was not wrong to pray those prayers, I was neglecting the most important prayers-for the Spirit’s ongoing work of grace in their heart.

As a result of that conviction, I developed a list of 31 topics to pray about for my children. These are heart topics, one for each day of the month. I keep the list in my prayer journal and use it to prompt me in my prayers.

My sweet friend Melanie helped me update my printables. While God has gifted me in a few things, one thing I am not gifted in is digital design:) Below is a printable of 31 topics to pray about for your children. Feel free to download a copy for yourself. The second printable is a prayer I wrote titled, The Most Important Prayer .

To download and print your own copy of this prayer list, click here

To download and print this prayer, click here

Do you have a special way you like to pray for your children? I’d love to hear!

Linking up with:

For today’s post, I’m over at the Gospel Coalition talking about parenting with grace. Won’t you stop by? https://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/08/29/parenting-for-recovering-pharisees/

“Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” John 6:68

God’s word is our Source for life. It is a love story, written to us, His beloved. In His word, God explains how we came to this state of sinfulness and describes His plan to rescue us. As we read the love story, we can see the utter depth’s of His love for us and the great length’s He went to in securing our redemption from sin.

It is God’s word, the Bible, that shows us our need for a Savior and shows us the way to eternal life. As our children grow, we want them to have an ever-increasing understanding of God’s love for them. We want them to see their sin and their need for a Savior. We want them to be so overcome with gratitude for their rescue from death to life that their heart swells with love and faith in Christ.

But as Paul says, “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?” Romans 10:14

How do you share God’s words of eternal life with your children? In our house, we read and memorize Scripture. I quote it in daily conversation. With my oldest, I also have him read it by himself. When he first began to read, I highlighted a few of his favorite stories and put a tag on the page so he could find it. I also highlighted the passages we had memorized and tagged those as well.

I recently learned about a child bible training system that goes a few steps further than merely highlighting a few passages in the Bible: The Child Training Bible. This system helps parents easily locate the passages we want to read to teach our children about a particular behavioral or character issue. The kit comes with a bible, all the needed tags, highlighters and the code with accompanying bible verses. The code lists all the behavioral issues a parent might want to work on with their child and the coordinating passages to read and discuss. A few example topics include fear, anger, lying, and pride. The system is color coded so that each topic is organized by color. When you want to talk with your child about anger for example, you go to the colored tab for anger and read the passages that you’ve previously highlighted.

The kit provides not only the passages for each topic but also discussion questions, Glory in the Gospel questions, and Scripture prayer. We don’t want to simply show our children how they have disobeyed God’s word, we also want to show them how Jesus has freed them from their sins. In addition to using Scripture to point out a behavior in our children, this kit also includes tabs to highlight the Gospel. The law was designed to point us to our need for Christ. We can first show our children what the Bible has to say on various topics/behaviors and then lead them from the law to the grace of the gospel and to Christ’s death for their sins.

Once completed, the Bible will then look like this:

One reader will win their very own The Child Training Bible kit. Simply leave a comment below and you will be automatically entered. Random.org will randomly select the winner August 22 at 8:00pm EST. Update: Random.org selected Natalie as the winner of this giveaway. Congratulations, Natalie!

Disclaimer: I received my own training kit for free in exchange for this review.

Linking up with:

“Mom, is the prince in this story supposed to be Jesus?” asked my four-year-old.

“Yes, he is. What makes you think that?”

“Because he dies for the people.”

The most important job we have as parents is to share the gospel of grace with our children. Pointing them to the cross of Christ and what He did for them there is the greatest gift we can give them.

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7

One of the ways I teach my children about the gospel is through books. (I know, obvious, right?) Some books are better than others at helping children understand God’s story of redemption. Today I’ve compiled a list of some of our favorites and I have one to give away.

1. The Jesus Storybook Bible, Read-Aloud Edition: Every Story Whispers His Name: I know I’ve written about this book over and over but it is truly excellent at showing children how Jesus is part of every story in Scripture. He is the promised Rescuer, sent to save us from sin. It provides a retelling of the story of redemption in a simple way that children can understand. This last year, we’ve used this book in Sunday School as well and the kids there loved hearing the stories and the lessons we taught from it.

2. The Prince’s Poison Cup: Allegories are an excellent way to help children (and adults) understand Biblical concepts. This story is about a King and his people. They sinned by drinking water from a well that they were told not to drink from. The water turned their hearts to stone. The King asks the Prince to drink a cup of poison to rescue His people. This book is an allegory about why Jesus had to die. At the end of the story, there are questions for parents to ask their children to help ensure they understand it.

3. The Lightlings: Another allegory, this book explains how The King of Light made a race of tiny beings called Lightlings. They sinned against the King and ran away to live in the dark woods where there was no light. It’s the story about the Fall, the effects of the Fall, and about the promised Savior born to set them free. It too contains questions at the end for discussion.

And a new one that I found, The Magnificent Amazing Time Machine: A Journey back to the Cross by Sinclair B. Ferguson, is what I am giving away today. We have many of his children’s devotionals but this is the first picture book I’ve found. In this story, the characters go in a time machine back to the even before the beginning of time. They hear the members of the Trinity discuss their plan to save the world from sin. As they continue forward in time, the story of redemption is carried out in front of them. This book focuses on God’s plan to give His only Son to save sinners. It encourages children to share that plan with others.

To enter the drawing, leave a comment below, become a new blog subscriber, or become a new Facebook follower. Just leave me a comment, letting me know that you just became a subscriber or follower. Random.org will select the winner on August 8th at 8:00pm EST. Update 8/8/12: Random.org chose Joy as the winner of this drawing. Congrats, Joy:)

Linking up with: