When the Guilt Lays Heavy

19. June 2012 · 11 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, Spiritual Growth · Tags: , ,

I step out onto our tiny wooden porch, plop down in the plastic Adirondack chair and breathe out a long sigh. We are on vacation, so why am I so tired, irritable, and frustrated?

The day had been long and my patience short. Stingy with grace, I didn’t give out what has been given to me. At dinner, my son prayed, “And God, please help mommy to be patient with us.”

Sipping my coffee, I look out over the railing. There is nothing in my view but the forest. I hear birds softly chirping, calling to one another. Opening my prayer journal, I begin to talk to God. My heart is raw and the words spill forth, overflowing onto the page.

I pause from time to time to soak in the calm serenity of the woods. The wind gently rustles the leaves and the branches sway in a slow dance. I see a pocket of light, a spotlight of remaining sun shining through the woods, highlighting a lone tree.

Wasn’t it a simple tree who carried the Light of the World? Didn’t He carry this guilt that lays heavy in my heart, heavy from a day of arguments, impatience, and frustration?

The Spirit, He moves gently, just as the breeze and causes my own heart to sway in a rhythm of thanksgiving. He reminds me of His fresh mercy and pours His abundant grace over me. The chirping birds remind me that He cares for me and always meets my every need. His promises from Scripture come coursing through my soul, reassuring and reminding me of His unconditional love. I breathe in deep the fragrance of this life and exhale praise.

He’s always there waiting. Why do I take so long to come to Him? Why do I try to walk into battle on my own? Why do I let my day go by, full of distractions, conflicts, and challenges and not stop and seek Him?

Because once I do, I see Him everywhere.

After tucking in my son for bed, I tell him I am sorry for being impatient with him. “Do you forgive me?” I ask. “I always do, mommy. You know that.”

And so does He.

Linking up with:

Beholding Glory


 

 

 

 

 

Word Filled Wednesday and Intentional.Me

 

 

 

Redemption’s Freedom

12. May 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: Spiritual Growth · Tags: , , , ,

“Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name.” Psalm 142:7

Have you ever had a day where everything just went wrong? And you along with it?

Some mornings we all seem to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. My four-year-old tantrums about every little thing. My oldest tries to daydream the day away, instead of focusing on his school work. And me? Well, I react to all of it.

All this month, we are talking about redemption at Christian Stay at Home Moms. To read the rest of this post, visit CSAHM, my writing home today.

Forever Forgiveness

24. August 2011 · 6 comments · Categories: God's still working on me, Spiritual Growth · Tags:

He had done something wrong and we prayed about it. We talked about God’s forgiveness and how He remembers our sins no more. I quoted from His words in scripture, “He casts them as far as the east is from the west,” I explain. I see him trying to calculate just how far that is. “You can’t measure it. That’s the point. He casts them away forever.”

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I can understand my son’s desire to measure how far our sins are cast away. I too try to measure and count how far away they are; how far until He remembers them again. Because that’s how my sinful heart is-I can’t comprehend the kind of forgiveness that is all grace.

I forgive others until they repeat the same mistake again. Then I remember everything they’ve ever done in the past to hurt me. Forgiveness that’s not really forgiveness at all.

God’s forgiveness is truly grace. We were forgiven once and for all at the cross. When Jesus took our punishment and bore His Father’s wrath, it was so we could be forgiven. No matter what sin I may commit in my flesh, God only sees the perfect life of His Son. He truly did cast my sins away! No matter how far my sins may take me, His grace casts those sins farther still.

I don’t have to fear His anger. I don’t have to fear that He’ll stop loving me. I don’t have to fear Him pointing out to me that I’ve committed the same sin a thousand times. Rather, each time I do sin, I remember Jesus. I remember the love that held Him there. I remember that I am truly forgiven, accepted and loved.

It’s a forever forgiveness that can’t be measured, no matter how hard I might try.

Forgiving the Past

17. August 2011 · 9 comments · Categories: Spiritual Growth · Tags:

In a world where technology is changing daily, I often like to explore the past. I love collecting old things. I’ve spent hours exploring antique shops-as I pick up an item, I imagine how it was used. I think about the family who must have sat at the old wooden table, eating off the antique dinner plates. We have come far since the days of typewriters and rotary phones, yet I think it’s important to be aware of how things used to be.

For it’s our past that shapes who we are today.

Those old wounds, hurts, and pains from long ago affect us deep inside. It shapes how we perceive and process the present circumstances in our lives. Frequent hurts delivered by loved ones in our past can make it hard to trust those we love today. Clinging to unforgiveness for pains of the past creates a heart resistant to forgiveness in the present.

While it is important to know where we’ve come from, the baggage from the past needs to stay there. The reason we learn about history and stories of the past is so that we don’t make the same mistakes our ancestors did.

When we don’t let go of and forgive those who have hurt us, we’ll carry that heavy baggage with us wherever we go. It will follow us into our future, affecting every relationship we may have. Like an antique collector whose collection warrants an episode on a reality show, the compounding effects of harbouring unforgiveness can threaten to bury us alive.

As our own Lord forgave those who hurt him the most, we must forgive all those who wound us. If we look back into our own history, we’ll see all the sins we’ve been forgiven. Knowing all we’ve been forgiven, how can we not forgive others? For as our Lord said, “for if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14)

Each time we forgive those who hurt us in the past, it frees us to move forward into the future.